Life Among the Never-Winged

Once upon a time I was writing a book called, "Just Another Love Letter", about angels behaving badly. Now I just quietly ask myself each day, "What the hell am I doing?"

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Location: The Rocky Mountain Empire, United States

My friends always knew I was going to hell. My only hope is that God likes good jokes and bad redheads.

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  • Thursday, October 15, 2009

    Advice. I need it.

    So I was waiting after school to pick up my boyos the other day, and my friend (let's call her Donna) was fuming because her son had just been labeled with ADD. My jaw hit the pavement -- this kid is quiet, well-behaved, etc. I know because he's one of the boyos' best friends and I've had him in my home half a bazillion times. I've seen him in action.

    I told Donna that if her son is ADD, then EVERY boy is ADD.

    About that time, another mom came up. "Oh, they labeled my son last week."


    Oh yes. He has a physiological condition with his eyes that is being treated, has been addressed with the school, and they still labeled him ADD.

    "So have they labeled your sons?" she asked me.

    "Not yet," I answered.

    Then I came home to an email. They want O and me to meet with the teachers and a special ed psychologist concerning one of the boyos tomorrow. Yeah I know, my stomach dropped through my nethers.

    We're not sure what they are going to say yet. We will not stand for an ADD diagnosis. That would make 4 in a class of 24 students, or 4 out of 10 boys. Really?

    I'm not saying he's doing well. Because he's not right now. I suspect dyslexia. Anyway, I'm hoping that is the diagnosis. ADD will not stand.

    Has anyone else dealt with this? Advice?

    Labels: , ,

    16 people left me a love letter:

    Blogger Maggie wrote in a love letter...

    Yeah one of the public schools my son attended had a track record like this one. But personally, I think that as a parent:
    1) you have the right to decide what's best for your child
    and 2) get a second opinion. That's what I did. I took my son to his pediatrician who referred me to an independent psychologist for evaluation. Turns out he didn't have ADD. what he did have is a whole other story, but the school was wrong.
    I think it's easier for them to put a label like that out there, get the parents to put their kids on meds and then have a class full of sedate children. I think the drugs are good for a select few - but it should be so much fewer than happens. Hang in there mom and stick to your guns.

    9:31 AM, October 15, 2009  
    Blogger Maggie wrote in a love letter...

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    9:31 AM, October 15, 2009  
    Anonymous Rudi wrote in a love letter...

    No direct ADD/Boyos experience (3 girls) but played games with schools and placements before.

    Breathe. Be calm. Be clinical. It's just clinical to them. They expect and may well be geared up to fight the emotional "not my kid" Mom. You'll be to easily dismissed by them.

    Get signed copies of any evaluation. I expect you have the right to see everything in your kids file so do so. Eval notes. Ask what standard they measure this by. Are there gradations to the diagnosis?

    If they get defensive and ask why so many questions answer in your best Wolf/Grandmama voice "Well, all the better to understand it with my dear".

    Good luck.

    9:42 AM, October 15, 2009  
    Blogger Clowncar wrote in a love letter...

    I got nothin. Other than empathy and best wishes, of course.

    Rudi makes a lot of sense. They will dismiss "not my kid" emotionalism. Come armed with facts and calm logic when you fight them. 4 outta 24 is ridiculous.

    1:33 PM, October 15, 2009  
    Blogger meno wrote in a love letter...

    ADD, it's the favorite diagnosis of behavioral psychologists everywhere.

    Love Rudi's advice.

    2:39 PM, October 15, 2009  
    Blogger jaded wrote in a love letter...

    Educational procedures are really making my head spin right now...and I don't even have kids, but for the record my cats have behavior disorders not ADD.

    Go with what Rudy said and request the school test him for dyslexia ASAP.

    3:39 PM, October 15, 2009  
    Blogger ephelba wrote in a love letter...

    Kids can have problems with auditory processing, anxiety, dyslexia, getting good sleep- all of these kids would have a hard time staying focused, getting their work done, etc, but Ritalin don't help with auditory discrimination and there's a small window for teaching your kid how to deal with their "bag" before they come up with coping mechanisms of their own that are less than helpful. If you suspect something is off, you are right. No one knows him like you do. Go the extra mile to get him a full battery of tests by speech pathologists and the like. (They do testing for auditory stuff too- so even if he speaks just find they're some of the people you need. Your school will also have someone who can administer tests for dyslexia and other things. Feel free to email me if you want...) Good luck!

    8:39 AM, October 16, 2009  
    Blogger Nancy Dancehall wrote in a love letter...

    Thank you, everybody. Thanks for the support. We'll see what happens today. I've been doing research, I'm ready to ask questions, and I think a full battery of tests would be a good idea.

    8:44 AM, October 16, 2009  
    Anonymous Rudi wrote in a love letter...

    ephelba said: They do testing for auditory stuff too- so even if he speaks just find they're some of the people you need.

    One of my daughters has trouble sorting foreground from background noises. It caused her trouble in school until we figured it out. The solution is to sit up front and not lose the teachers voice among the rest of the din. She's also the best musician (ear, timing, playing) in the family.

    4:21 PM, October 16, 2009  
    Blogger Stucco wrote in a love letter...

    Tell them that ADD is a tenet of your faith (Terrafecundian) and that any discrimination will be reerred to the ACLU. Then start taunting them with "Deutschland Über alles".... Fucking public schools. If only the taught as well as they deflect and blame.

    7:53 PM, October 16, 2009  
    Blogger Cheesy wrote in a love letter...

    Out of the 5 kids only the boy twin had issues in school. The teacher suspected a form of ADD and I took him to my pediatrician and sure nuff he did the testing and felt that Bri could use some help. He was only on 5mils of Ritalin a day and counseling. I was skeptical at first but followed his lead. Bri made a HUGE improvement and I feel that he gained a lot of skills during that time. I DO however think ADD is used as an excuse to zombie up our kids. I was blessed to have the kids in a small caring country school and not a huge kiddo factory school. I suggest talking with your pediatrician if you trust him and always get a second opinion. Remember though this was about 18 years ago ... before ADD was the label for everything from soup to nuts....
    Feel free to call me dear if you would like to talk it over.... hugs!

    4:11 AM, October 17, 2009  
    Blogger Scott from Oregon wrote in a love letter...

    If they give your kids ritalin, give them ritalout. It's the anti-dote.

    10:33 PM, October 17, 2009  
    Blogger Gordo wrote in a love letter...

    I'm a bit late to the party and don't have any direct experience, but ... here in Ontario, a diagnosis of ADD/ADHD shakes loose some extra funding from the province for educational assistants and "resources". An EA assigned to a child will invariably be used in the class with other kids as well.

    That level of diagnosis in one class suggests something fishy to me. Good luck.

    11:11 PM, October 18, 2009  
    Blogger D-Man wrote in a love letter...

    ADD was invented by a marketing department.

    10:37 PM, October 24, 2009  
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