Life Among the Never-Winged

Once upon a time I was writing a book called, "Just Another Love Letter", about angels behaving badly. Now I just quietly ask myself each day, "What the hell am I doing?"

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Location: The Rocky Mountain Empire, United States

My friends always knew I was going to hell. My only hope is that God likes good jokes and bad redheads.

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  • Sunday, March 15, 2009

    Friday Morning

    By Friday morning I was very tired. Thursday, I'd taken a practical in Microbiology, peering through microscopes, determining the differences between gram-positive and gram-negative bacteria, between staphylococcus and streptococcus. A statistics test loomed ahead the following Tuesday. O and I were going out for lunch to toss Big Possibilities back and forth that would involve some considerable lifestyle changes.


    Friday morning I was ready to be done with all of it; the classes, the waiting, the uncertainty. To claw my way out of the amber.


    When I feel like I want to get out of my own skin, I need to remember that I do actually have a body. When the weather is kind, as it was on Friday morning, I go out to the garden. I need the warm sun shining on my straw hat to pour through me to the the soft dirt between my bare toes. I need to sweat and ache.


    So I went out and dug up twelve pounds of volunteer parsnips that had sweetened over the winter. A few were shaped like fine white carrots. The rest were like mandrakes; twisted appendages, swollen tops shaggy with filamentous roots. Products of adverse soil conditions, they warped themselves from pushing through too much resistance. Instead of pouring all their energies into one strong, sure taproot, they had to settle for smaller scattered avenues around harder places.


    Nothing is ever simple in a garden. There is the tightrope chemistry of the soil, the balance of composition and decomposition, the miracle of energy converting into matter. It is never a simple thing, but it is good and beautiful, and if tended well it will satisfy your hunger.


    I carried the parsnips in and washed them off in the sink. My fingers grew stiff under the cold water. I flexed them dried them off and remembered they were mine.


    On my way to lunch, I took the scenic route through our Village neighborhood. To my left was a little pond with an embarrassment of ducks, on the right a horse farm. Just past that was a stubbly field where we had bought our pumpkins the Halloween before. Now it was full of Canadian geese. Over the trees ahead I could make out the tops of mountains I haven't visited in years.


    I picked O up for lunch. We headed for the Irish pub in our old neighborhood, but it had been sold to someone with café ideas. We went instead to a breakfast place across the street where O and a friend often go. I'd never been there, so I tested their skills with the basics – coffee, breakfast burrito – and split an order of stuffed French toast with O.


    We eavesdropped on the old men talking in a booth behind us about emailing their grandchildren, about their blogs, about Korea. O recognized by his shuffle one of the the homeless men who passed by outside. He misses his open shop where he could watch the street all day and interact face to face with customers.


    So we talked about what he wanted to do. The risks involved, steps backward, steps forward. How the boyos would be affected. I urged him to go forward with his plans. I took him by surprise by telling him I knew he wasn't happy where he was at. “As happy,” I amended. He's decided against it for now, this thing he wanted to do. And it seems like the right decision.


    We finished lunch. I took him back to his folks' house, visited briefly with his parents. There are troubles there and I will leave it at that.


    I picked the boyos up from school. My mom called, so I set up the webcam and she talked with her grandsons online. O came in with the mail.


    “There's an envelope here for you,” he said from the other room. I could tell where it was from by his voice.



    It was a big envelope.



    They don't reject you with big envelopes.




    15 people left me a love letter:

    Blogger D-Man wrote in a love letter...

    Now that sounds exciting...

    12:50 AM, March 16, 2009  
    Blogger Gordo wrote in a love letter...

    YAY! Hellllllllllllllllllooooooooo, Nurse! ;-)

    That's a wonderful description of your day, Nancy. It feels like I was along with you.

    6:17 AM, March 16, 2009  
    Blogger jaded wrote in a love letter...

    I had a hunch this was about the big envelope.

    I'm excited for your Nancy.

    7:06 AM, March 16, 2009  
    Blogger Cheesy wrote in a love letter...

    OMG!!!!
    Such WONDERFUL news so early on a Monday morn!1

    ^5 and WTG chica!

    8:36 AM, March 16, 2009  
    Blogger Clowncar wrote in a love letter...

    An embarrassment of ducks. Nice phrase. Lovely tour of the parsnips.

    All these Big Possibilities swirling in the air like cottonwood seeds. My head is spinning.

    And, of course, congrats!

    10:43 AM, March 16, 2009  
    Blogger meno wrote in a love letter...

    Parsnips as metaphor for life. Nice.

    Congratulations to you! Thank you for letting us know. I'm rooting for you. (heh, rooting.)

    11:59 AM, March 16, 2009  
    Blogger Irrelephant wrote in a love letter...

    Wow. I was expecting (eventually, at some point, finally) a "well, I got the okay to become a nurse." What I got was...gods. *smile* I got small gods. Gods of the dirt and the sun and the surge of green growing things. The small gods of street people and of ducks in a pond.

    Jeezus Pants, you need to become a published RN. *G*

    5:03 PM, March 16, 2009  
    Blogger Lucky Star wrote in a love letter...

    Hooooray! That is marvelous--you have worked so hard! Congratulations, lady.

    Enjoy the hellfire outta your summer.

    7:01 AM, March 17, 2009  
    Blogger Julie wrote in a love letter...

    Hip Hip Hooray for big envelopes!

    11:33 AM, March 17, 2009  
    Anonymous Rudi wrote in a love letter...

    Front range spring melts snow
    Dancehall and envelope meet
    Healing truths to learn

    8:59 PM, March 17, 2009  
    Blogger Clowncar wrote in a love letter...

    what a cool haiku, rudi!

    8:31 PM, March 18, 2009  
    Blogger Maggie wrote in a love letter...

    oh hurray for the big envelope. I jumped up and down, I really did.

    I know this need for earth in your fingernails and the joy of digging something edible and alive from the earth. I am longing for it. For now I content myself with little peat pots and tiny yearning seeds.

    2:11 PM, March 19, 2009  
    Blogger Schmoopie wrote in a love letter...

    To one of the most warm, caring and intelligent spirits on this planet, congratulations! Your patients will be very fortunate to have you as their nurse.

    8:49 PM, March 21, 2009  
    Blogger The Young Ones wrote in a love letter...

    You are an amazing woman! Congrats! We sooooo need to get together for coffee, ya know, before the nursing school starts...hehe Love, Tonya

    7:46 PM, April 10, 2009  
    Blogger Jay wrote in a love letter...

    !!!!
    Are you coming back or what?

    12:23 AM, May 04, 2009  

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