Life Among the Never-Winged

Once upon a time I was writing a book called, "Just Another Love Letter", about angels behaving badly. Now I just quietly ask myself each day, "What the hell am I doing?"

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Location: The Rocky Mountain Empire, United States

My friends always knew I was going to hell. My only hope is that God likes good jokes and bad redheads.

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  • Wednesday, April 30, 2008

    Liv Started It!

    Click here for Bollywood Goodness

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    Monday, April 28, 2008

    Dangerous Things

    (Now with pictures!)

    I've been doing dangerous things lately. I blame Spring.

    Yes, you can tell Spring is here. On my way to school I saw things like no snow, tulips, llamas cropping the new green grass, gargoyles that had shed their winter coats for floppy straw hats and bouquets, and two guys in ski masks, one with a chain saw and the other with a flame thrower.

    Ah, the signs of Spring!

    So I'm doing things. Dangerous things. I've been having high tea and champagne with beautiful women followed by drunken window shopping.

    I'm throwing the windows and doors open to let in the smell of cherry blossoms mingle with fresh-ground cardamom for kheer. I'm burying stargazers in the garden. Let them make their own way back up if they ever want to see the sky again!

    My kind of snow!

    Dangerous things. In other words, I'm not studying.

    But if Colorado has taught me one thing it is this: grab happiness when it comes. Don't ask, just close your hands around it.

    Thursday it snows again.

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    Friday, April 18, 2008

    Lame-Ass Meme

    The cavalry's here (or 'calvary' as I misspelled in a recent email). My mama's in town watching the boyos whilst I study for all the pretty finals. So I gots nothing left for the blog. But this meme. Enjoy.

    Does the last person you shared a bed with mean anything to you?


    Are you dating the last person you kissed?

    That would be my mom. Ew.

    Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?


    Are you too forgiving?

    I'm no Jesus, but yeah.

    Olive Garden?

    I'd rather eat a bowl of lard with a hair in it, which is what I think they served me the last time.

    Would you live with someone before marrying them?

    I think it would be wise.

    Have your friends ever seen you cry?


    Who was the last person you cried in front of?


    If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to?

    The people in my head.

    What's irritating you right now?

    The idea that one man eared 3.7 billion dollars last year by shorting junk mortgage bonds. That's enough money to keep 666,661 American households afloat for a year.

    What did you do yesterday and with who?

    Homework, while my mom kept an eye on the boyos.

    Who's the last person that you felt stalked by?

    A neighbor kid down the street who waits for our garage door to open. Pathetic, I know.

    What are you stressed out about?

    I think that's obvious.

    Last text message you received?

    'Neil's wearin' a pocket protector' To which I replied, 'Loser! Bwahahahah!'

    What were you doing at midnight last night?

    Dreaming that I was trainspotting with Einstein. I asked him sarcastically what great knowledge he was going to impart to me this time and he laughed and said, “Sometimes a train's just a train, Spooky.”

    Last place you went?

    A chocolate boutique for a dark chocolate Cayenne-laden bon bon.

    Do you talk in your sleep?

    Very occasionally.

    When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

    About an hour ago when I kissed the boyos goodnight.

    What are you looking forward to?

    Learning how to draw trees.

    Ever been a bridesmaid or groomsmen?

    Yes, but the best was serving as the minister for Clowncar and Lil Peewee's wedding.

    Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?

    The left.

    How often do you talk on the phone?

    Two or three times a day.

    Do you believe in love?

    In all its splendid forms.

    How much cash do you have on you?

    A 10p coin from 1995, which will no longer buy anything, anywhere.

    What is your favorite ringtone on your phone?

    What's a ringtone?

    Can you handle the truth?

    Yeah. It's my fantasies that I can't handle.

    Best breakup song?

    'Nothin' On Me' by Shawn Colvin, from 'A Few Small Repairs.' No, wait, 'Get Out of This House' from the same album.

    Have you ever, in any way, been betrayed by someone you trusted?

    Of course.

    When was the last time you were given roses?

    I don't remember.

    What do you want this year?

    To see the ocean. To finish writing the damn novel. To start a new novel. To keep my 4.1 GPA.

    Do you prefer to call or text?


    What month is your birthday in?

    February, the month of sacrifice. The Wolf Moon Month. Ooogie boogie toads.

    How many cities/towns have you lived in?


    What are you doing for your next birthday?

    Nothing. But I want cake this time.

    Do you know how to drive a stick shift?

    That all depends on your definition of a stick shift.

    What jewelry are you wearing?

    Nose ring, necklace from Westport, Ireland, 'opal' earrings from Haiti, Land of Zombies.

    Who got you the jewelry you are currently wearing?

    Me, myself, and my mom, respectively.

    How often do you remember your dreams?

    Every time.

    What is the first thing you do in the morning?

    Remember what I dreamed. Wish I was back in it.

    How long is your hair?

    It tickles me bum.

    What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?

    Drinking coffee.

    What were you doing 30 minutes ago?

    Answering this problem: 10. Draw or chart and explain 3 or 4 neural pathways which start with different specific sensory neurons, are integrated in one or more CNS structures, and culminate in an action at one or more effectors. Include all 4 cerebral lobes, the other 3 major brain areas, a spinal reflex action, and at least 2 cranial nerves, and an autonomic response one or more of your 3 pathways. Highlight the areas/structures listed above as you use them.

    How do you feel about the person who texted you last?


    Do you like your life as of now?

    *Sigh* No.

    Last thing you purchased?

    A rather short silk wraparound skirt, that can also be worn as a shirt, or a shrug, or a cape, or an apron, or a sarong. In other words, a thneed, which everyone everyone everyone needs.

    Three words to explain why you last threw up?

    Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.
    Three words to explain why you almost last threw up?

    Cadaver fecal matter.

    How's your heart lately?

    Arrhythmic and I don't know why.

    Where did your last non-family hug take place?

    Again, I don't remember. I count close friends as family. I don't get out enough to be hugged by strangers.

    Who was the last person to hold your hand?

    My eldest son.

    Are you a jealous person?


    Did you have a good birthday this year?

    I had a difficult birthday this year. I'm hoping for better next year.

    Are you tired right now?

    God yes.

    Do you chew on your straws?

    No. But I tie cherry stems into knots.

    Three days from now will you be in a relationship?


    Have you ever told someone of the opposite sex you loved them?

    I have told people of all sexes I love them.

    Is there anyone who doesn't like you because of something you didn't even do?

    That would be my sister-in-law.

    As of today, do you fancy anyone?


    Have you kissed anyone on the lips today?


    Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?

    That's child's play, baby!

    Last person you cried over?

    Don't laugh. Ray Bradbury.

    Do you cry easily?

    No, but I cry over weird things. I think it's called transference.

    What should you be doing right now?

    Figuring out what I need to study for Monday's test.

    Are you a heavy sleeper?

    I'll sleep when I'm dead, sir.

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    Friday, April 11, 2008

    You Don't Want to Read This

    Seriously. Go read about Stucco's antics over on Irrelephant's site.

    I've gone from Ranty Dancehall to Ragey Dancehall. And you don't wanna read that.

    Blame Mona and her Friday word, 'Negative'.

    Dear Mr. Department Head,

    What a thrill it was for you, wasn't it, to hear us call your name, see us charging towards you, leaving behind trays gleaming with aqueous and vitreous humours, retinas and nerves, a thrill to see the Broncos cheerleader hopeful, the exotic bodybuilder, the housewife in stilettos and the lovely young coed, all wanting your attention as you passed through the lab on your way to the cadaver room. Such a hawt lil fan club! I could tell by the way your face flushed and your eyes widened, the goofy smile, the way you staggered backwards. What a funny little bunny you were! Oh, and how those perky ears drooped when you heard what we had to say, though not so first. Not so. They stood right up at first.

    Perhaps you realized who we were. What is it you call our class? The Dream Team? We're the best class this department has ever seen, the best class our instructor has seen in her thirteen years of teaching at all the colleges in Denver. Our class average is 14% higher than the other A&P classes, even though we all take the same tests. You've charted us, discussed us in meetings, grilled Nurse Bagel and Coach about their teaching methods, and you and your colleagues still can't figure out why this small group of twelve people with NO medical or science experience is kicking everybody else's ass. You can't believe that a dancer, a cheerleader, a waiter, a massage therapist, some young little thangs and a couple of housewives are able to do this. (You can't figure it out to the point that you maybe, possibly, think that our class maybe, possibly is cheating.)

    Hey, we can't figure it out either! Except that we are simply busting our asses studying, showing up at all the open labs, quizzing and encouraging each other.

    And we like this, Mr. Department Head. We like our classmates, and we lurves our instructor, Nurse Bagel. We ask her every class period, “So do you know yet if you're teaching one of the A&P II classes this summer? The schedules are out and it says 'to be announced'...” We want to know because we want to keep the dream alive.

    And Nurse Bagel rolls her eyes, tells us that she STILL doesn't know even though she requested it last January, and that she usually teaches the class, but you, Mr. Department Head, have not responded to her emails.

    You have a lot of power in your little kingdom here, Mr. Department Head. You decide who teaches and who gets kicked out of the ivory tower every semester. I thought competition was fierce trying to get into nursing school or sonography school or med tech school. It is nothing compared to what the instructors have to go through here to teach a class because the school won't hire anyone onto the staff. Freelance teachers. Keeps 'em cheap, right?

    So back to us, your little flash fans, as we converge on you in the lab.

    “Have you decided who's teaching A&P II this summer?” asked the cheerleader, practically jumping out of her tennis shoes.

    You smiled. OH did you smile at her! Well, yes I have...” Look at those bunny ears stand straight up!

    “Is Nurse Bagel teaching?”

    That smile froze. Those ears might have drooped ever so slightly. You took a breath. “No,” you said. “But,” and that smile got wider and those little eyes narrowed! “I happen to know that the instructor who's teaching it IS preeeeeetty good—”

    “Bagel's not teaching?” we said. No, we lamented.

    “Well, I'” You didn't bother finishing because your fan club turned as one and slumped back to more eyeball dissections.

    We didn't even look back as you made you way on to Veronica* and Seven of Nine* waiting in their empty room.

    But I think I saw something in your eyes, Mr Department Head. I think you are teaching it because you want a shot at us. What would you do with our Dream Team? I imagine lots and lots of trick questions and lots and lots of monitoring.

    But you know what? I think a few of us might wait you out. There are other pre-reqs that need taking in the meantime.

    *My names for the cadavers, not theirs. They don't officially name them anymore.

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    Thursday, April 03, 2008

    1 + 2 = 7, Or, Don't Get Sick in Colorado

    This email made my day:

    Dear Nancy,

    Thanks for your email. It made my day. What an interesting question!
    In all my years of teaching Histology, never have I been asked that
    particular question...people often seem more concerned with
    memorizing than wondering!
    You are THINKING!!
    There are several benefits of branching in cardiac muscle cells.
    First, as you've pointed out, by having each cardiac muscle cell
    (fiber) send out branches, it increases the capacity of each fiber to
    pass electrical stimulatory currents to other fibers. In addition to
    the nerves and Purkinje fibers, electrical communication via
    intercalated disks is a key part of the remarkable system of
    conductivity that spreads contraction through the heart.
    Another benefit of branching is this: By having an "irregular" shape,
    the complex squeezing action of the heart muscle is facilitated. As
    you know, the heart squeezes like a fist to act as a pump, and the
    squeezing motion is precise and repetitive. Skeletal muscle fibers
    usually move in one plane, and can accomplish what they need to by
    being unbranched and exerting their force in one direction.
    I hope that helps.
    Good luck with your studies!
    All the best,

    Dr. Dave
    David T. Moran, Ph.D.
    PO Box 1142
    Niwot, CO 80544 USA

    It took the sting out of getting laughed at by one of our fine higher-education institutes, which refused to even send me free information on their nursing program.

    We had a substitute teacher yesterday because our regular instructor, a nurse, had to cover a 'critical shortage of nurses' at her hospital.

    I wonder how that happens?

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    Tuesday, April 01, 2008

    Join Me

    It's time. Come with me, and together we will start a colony of Bloggers living in peace and harmony.

    It's all right here:

    I've already signed up.

    Who's with me?



    I'm on the medical team! I got the job because I'm the only one who knows what an esophagogastroduodenoscopy is and how to spell it correctly! Oh brave new world!

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