Life Among the Never-Winged

Once upon a time I was writing a book called, "Just Another Love Letter", about angels behaving badly. Now I just quietly ask myself each day, "What the hell am I doing?"

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Location: The Rocky Mountain Empire, United States

My friends always knew I was going to hell. My only hope is that God likes good jokes and bad redheads.

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  • Wednesday, October 22, 2008

    Rough Old October

    I'm making bread right now, for a dinner we're taking over to a family who's suffered a terrible loss. O signed me up for it, from a volunteer list sent around to school parents. That's cool; it's my sort of thing.

    This is a bit awkward. I don't know them at all. I just talked to the mom on the phone, to confirm dinnertime. The fact that she can answer the phone at all amazes me.

    There was that weird' – Hi there, I'm a perfect stranger but I'm going to come over and feed your family because something so horrible that I can't begin to contemplate it, has befallen you. So do you like cilantro?'* – thing. Hem haw. 'Do you know how to get here or do you need directions?' Hem.

    Tomorrow will be easier. I have a dear friend, one of the Sushi Babes, who's just had two very large tumors removed, along with any chance of carrying a baby. I've visited her twice already, once with another Babe and a houseful of visitors, and once last Thursday. I can sit and cry with her. I can joke that together we make one whole woman. I can offer her a womb, if she wants to go that route. I can bring music and recipes and quilt while she crochets. We can bitch about the doctors who wouldn't let us keep the nasties in a glass jar – we made them ourselves after all, dammit! And they are such pretty pearls...

    But bread and soup. What words do you serve with that, to a total stranger?

    *Not my actual words. I'm not that socially autistic. But I was thinking them.

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    10 people left me a love letter:

    Blogger patches wrote in a love letter...

    Mostly you listen if they are in a talking mood.

    1:03 PM, October 22, 2008  
    Blogger Maggie wrote in a love letter...

    I don't know. Just being there probably means a ton.

    2:50 PM, October 22, 2008  
    Blogger Clowncar wrote in a love letter...

    In my experience, what the specific words (and gestures) are don't really matter. What matters is that you offer words, and make a gesture.

    Or, as patches said, just listen.

    Lord knows you listened enough to me.

    Sorry about your Sushi Babe friend.

    2:52 PM, October 22, 2008  
    Blogger Andy wrote in a love letter...

    "We're thinking of you"

    4:40 PM, October 22, 2008  
    Blogger Dantares wrote in a love letter...

    "I don't know what you are feeling but I am horrified by even my shadowy thoughts of what it must be like for you."
    Or least I wish, I really wish in those situations it would be acceptable to say just that.

    4:59 PM, October 22, 2008  
    Blogger Bud wrote in a love letter...

    You don't have to be clever in that situation. It's always gonna be awkward no matter what you come up with. So good of you to pitch in. Miss you, Pants.

    5:33 PM, October 22, 2008  
    Blogger Irrelephant wrote in a love letter...

    Think of it this way--back in The Day, when our grandparents were young and someone died, you brought food to their home. Sharing food is a very old, very powerful thing, 'Pants, and you know that. It's a strong ritual, a bond, a reaffirmation of our humanity toward each other.

    I won't eat with the folks in the office if a certain person is there because sharing, partaking of food with someone I dislike is anathema. Eating in company is sacred time. Bring them bread and soup and an open heart. It will mean more to them than any store-bought sympathy card or wreath of flowers at a gravesite.

    6:52 PM, October 22, 2008  
    Blogger Stucco wrote in a love letter...

    There is nothing to say. But don't let that stop you. Remind them how much fun sex is, and encourage them to collect shiny things. It won't make any difference, and it's a great opportunity to be inappropriate in a perplexing way.

    You can be "That crazy nympho with the cilantro"

    9:28 PM, October 22, 2008  
    Blogger Schmoopie wrote in a love letter...

    Your love is in the the food you took to them. I truly believe it will flow through them as they eat.

    No one knows what to say, but just making the effort to show them you care is what you do.

    I am so sorry about your friend losing her ability to have babies. That is also an unimaginable loss.

    Love you Pants!

    9:19 PM, October 23, 2008  
    Blogger JustCallMeJo wrote in a love letter...

    Offering freezable food to people is good, cos they may or may not want to eat it, I would think. I wouldn't think it's the words.


    What do you say when a child dies?

    I don't know.

    But you know two people very well who went through that ...and maybe they might have some thoughts on it. I dunno. ?

    10:52 AM, October 24, 2008  

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