Life Among the Never-Winged

Once upon a time I was writing a book called, "Just Another Love Letter", about angels behaving badly. Now I just quietly ask myself each day, "What the hell am I doing?"

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Location: The Rocky Mountain Empire, United States

My friends always knew I was going to hell. My only hope is that God likes good jokes and bad redheads.

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  • Friday, January 04, 2008


    I had a dream this morning. I was standing beside the river Styx in the pitch black of that underground place. In front of me was a low wall made entirely of stacked and lidded alabaster urns. A voice said to me, “These hold all the secrets of the dead who have crossed the river. You are charged with guarding them, but you must never, ever, look inside them.”

    The dog woke me up before I could decide whether or not I was going to keep my post or tear into those babies.*

    I've been thinking about those urns all day.

    And I've been thinking about all the secrets that I do know about other people. About all the secrets that I keep for them and from them. All the secrets that they keep for me and from me. And all the secrets that I keep for and from myself.

    And I wonder – do we take our secrets with us, or are we unburdened when we die? Is it as easy as opening a jar, whispering into it and then vanishing across a river? No longer burdened with our secrets, do we leave them for some else to guard? Or to find?

    How many would leave their secrets and how many would carry them across?

    Are there regrets either way once the river is crossed?

    I think. A story. Somewhere.

    *Frankly, I don't think they stood a chance. Hello...writer here.


    16 people left me a love letter:

    Blogger Maggie wrote in a love letter...

    Wow, that's beautiful as usual. I love the possibilities and questions - like what happens across the river if you meet someone whom you'd kept a secret for without relinquishing it before crossing, but they had let your secret go? And what would you do if that secret they let go were so desparately important to you? Would you try to recross and retrieve it in the jar?

    6:32 AM, January 04, 2008  
    Blogger Jodi wrote in a love letter...

    i'll be thinking about this all day -- if i would want to leave my secrets behind or take them with me. somehow the idea of leaving them here sounds wonderful

    6:49 AM, January 04, 2008  
    Anonymous Rudi wrote in a love letter...

    Did the dog have one head or three?

    Would you be afraid to leave your own secrets for fear someone else might learn them later?

    If (okay when) you opened one what are the odds that it would be "big".

    When you let them out do they form a mass? Scatter to hide in a crag? Seek out the souls they were kept from in life?

    Does sunlight cleanse them, does letting them out create light, hence your role as protector of darkness?

    Mmmmm, yum, fun stuff.

    8:50 AM, January 04, 2008  
    Blogger Lynn wrote in a love letter...

    I think that when we die, many of the things that we kept secret are our drawers, papers, photographs.

    12:09 PM, January 04, 2008  
    Blogger meno wrote in a love letter...

    I would leave the secrets behind.

    Whatever happened to Adam and Eve? I was interested in them, and they haven't come back.

    3:01 PM, January 04, 2008  
    Blogger ms chica wrote in a love letter...

    secrets are ornamental, like candleholders. In a past era they were useful and imperative. Now, they're only useful during a power outage.

    4:41 PM, January 04, 2008  
    Blogger sari wrote in a love letter...

    oh I like this.

    4:50 PM, January 04, 2008  
    Blogger liv wrote in a love letter...

    ooh. yeah, it wows me how many secrets i know. and what is kept for me and from me. and how many of you out here know so much of me and each other.

    5:09 PM, January 04, 2008  
    Blogger Nancy Dancehall wrote in a love letter...

    Ooo...I never thought of that, Maggie. I guess I was thinking of people only laving their own secrets behind, but what if they did drop off secrets they were keeping for others? Hmmm....

    It certainly lightens things, doesn't it, Jodi? Unless you kept happy secrets.

    One head, no brain, Rudi, but a better guard than Cerberus. Yes. Good odds. Hmmm...possibly fly like ravens over the river. Are all secrets dark?

    And in the stories people share about us, Lynn.

    I think I would too, Meno. Except for one... I just wrote a little more Adam and Eve. I'll get a little more up here soon for you and Liv. :-)

    How so, Chica? Blackmail still thrives.

    Thanks, Sari. :-) What would you do?

    Blogging is so inside-out, isn't it, Liv? In the 'real' world, sometimes all you get is a face. In here, you get a soul and may never see the face.

    12:07 AM, January 05, 2008  
    Blogger Gordo wrote in a love letter...

    Nancy, you have me hooked with one post. Simply amazing. :-)

    4:31 PM, January 05, 2008  
    Anonymous Rudi wrote in a love letter...

    I purposefully didn't read what Maggie and Jodi had written until after I had posted. I didn't want to derail my train of thought or color its first pass (for good or bad).

    Afterwards when I read Maggie's (which I thought was really cool) I was struck by how stereotypically male and female our responses were.

    Mine was geeky and mechanical, wondering how this version of the underworld worked. Like I was reading the rules of a new game system.

    Maggie's was deeper, more interpersonal. Looking to glean meaning from another soul's interaction with the secrets.

    So, maybe there's a bit of a mirror into our own soul's thing going on here in how we perceive this.

    9:02 PM, January 05, 2008  
    Blogger Bud wrote in a love letter...

    Yeah, you would so totally look inside. I think we leave them for others to find or not. So leave lots of good stuff to outbalance the bad. Looking forward to seeing some writing from you. Although even this much is a joy.

    7:34 AM, January 06, 2008  
    OpenID wheelsonthebus wrote in a love letter...

    I think the hardest secrets are the one syou don't even realize you are keeping (I'll be posting on this over the next few days). These are the secrets so strong that telling yourself they exist is dangerous.

    9:05 AM, January 06, 2008  
    Blogger amusing wrote in a love letter...

    Is it possible to lead a life without secrets? And does that make a life better? Or worse?

    11:03 PM, January 07, 2008  
    Blogger Nancy Dancehall wrote in a love letter...

    Thanks, Gordo, and welcome! I hope you stick around. *s*

    That's true, I'm sure, Rudi. I hope a few people will run with this the way you have. (Get a blog, dammit! ;-) )

    Thanks, Bud. I think I have a couple of good ones to leave behind.

    And I'll be over to read what you've posted, Emily. *s*

    I don't think you can, Amusing. As long as you cast a shadow, you keep a secret. And even if you could, I think it would make life dull. And show that you are untrustworthy.

    12:10 AM, January 09, 2008  
    Blogger amusing wrote in a love letter...

    See, and I was thinking that I don't really have any secrets [at least that I can think of right now] and so that just makes me honest (or boring?).

    Then to flip the perspective -- do I hold any secrets from others? At first I thought not, but then realized I do. I suppose I just don't think of them as "secrets" --just information they don't want known to the world at large.


    1:10 AM, January 11, 2008  

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