Life Among the Never-Winged

Once upon a time I was writing a book called, "Just Another Love Letter", about angels behaving badly. Now I just quietly ask myself each day, "What the hell am I doing?"

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Location: The Rocky Mountain Empire, United States

My friends always knew I was going to hell. My only hope is that God likes good jokes and bad redheads.

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  • Tuesday, November 06, 2007

    When I Grow Up

    A meme, from Meno:

    Write five things you want to be when you grow up. Big dreams that seem like folly, but in your heart of hearts are very real and dear to you. Things that maybe you have forgotten about in the ebb and flow and toil of the everyday, but that never really leave your soul. What you would do if anything was possible?'

    1. A singer. This seems to be a popular one. I'd have a goth/punk/cowpunk band called 'Hungover Mother'. We'd tour with 'The Rock Bottom Remainders'. My side-project would be 'The Nancy Dancehalls' and I'd play every instrument. My music would be very popular at gay nightclubs and brothels.

    1. A writer. One who's actually finished a book. And published it. To great acclaim. So that I'd be invited to sing with The Rock Bottom Remainders. And go on to found my own group called Hungover Mother. And maybe a side-project.

    1. A madam. I've wanted to be a madam since I was eleven and watched 'The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.' Especially since I'd already met Dolly Parton at a cousin's funeral in Nashville, and she was sooooo nice and quite beautiful. Anyway, I imagined I'd be like Miss Mona/Dolly Parton, treating my girls like daughters, rescuing them from those mean old pimps, making sure they were healthy, happy, well-paid, educated, and only entertained friendly, good-looking clients. Occasionally we'd all burst into song. Then I'd write my memoir, publish it to great acclaim, be invited to sing with The Rock Bottom Remainders, etc.

    1. An astronomer. I'd found a pseudo-religion based on the idea that the stars can predict your destiny. Then I'd publish a book about it to great acclaim. And then I'd be invited to sing...

    2. A nun. Who becomes a charismatic, takes over the convent, changes it from Our Lady of Unending Chastity to The Convent of St. Mary Magdalene and moves everyone to a remote observatory. A few of our 'services' would change too. And sometimes we'd sing. After the riot squad evicts us and I get out of prison, I'd write my memoirs. To great acclaim. And be asked to sing with The Rock Bottom Remainders. And go on to found my own group called Hungover Mother Superior. And maybe a side-project...

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    10 people left me a love letter:

    Blogger Schmoopie wrote in a love letter...

    Pants, you are effing hilarious! Can I join the whorehouse? Stucco will bring the HD video camera and capture the greatest moments and make millions from the DVD sales. He will, of course, donate the proceeds to "The Convent of St. Mary Magdalene."

    You ARE a writer. One of my favorite's. :)

    10:17 AM, November 07, 2007  
    Blogger Maggie wrote in a love letter...

    I say you are a writer too. Please please tell me its possible to finish and get published. You are going to and so am I.

    Then we can start your band in which I will never sing or play an instrument but perhaps drunkenly tap a tambourine.

    10:45 AM, November 07, 2007  
    Blogger meno wrote in a love letter...

    And then we'll all sing. :)

    11:23 AM, November 07, 2007  
    Blogger Bud wrote in a love letter...

    You had me worried at NUN. Thank The stars you did that right!

    2:09 PM, November 07, 2007  
    Blogger Stucco wrote in a love letter...

    Have you littered your book with PAW's? I sure hope so. I saw "preternatural" on the main page and thought of your description of your voice and laughed.

    Oh, and the nun thing? Freaking me out. A creepy "heebie jeebie" feeling accompanied with something like a piss shiver. Go ask O about piss shivers. It's a guy thing.

    3:59 PM, November 07, 2007  
    Blogger liv wrote in a love letter...

    I occasionally have moments when being a nun appeals. I think I'd like to be a Buddhist nun like Pema Chodron.

    5:53 PM, November 07, 2007  
    Blogger Lynn wrote in a love letter...

    I'm thinking that growing up is highly overrated. Although you are making it sound like it could be fun.

    10:11 PM, November 07, 2007  
    Blogger ms chica wrote in a love letter...

    There are times when I consider prostitution a more honorable profession than graphic design, but I guess underneath it all they're practically the same thing.

    Oh yeah, and a bout the nun business here's a treat for you:

    A cabbie picks up a Nun.

    She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome Cab driver
    won't stop staring at her.

    She asks him why he is staring.

    He replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend

    She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am, and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could
    say or ask that I would find offensive."

    "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

    She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, You have to be single and #2, You must be Catholic."

    The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

    "OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

    The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

    But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

    "My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"

    "Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

    The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

    1:06 PM, November 08, 2007  
    Blogger Nancy Dancehall wrote in a love letter...

    You are so in, Schmoop! And thank you. :-) But I don't know if Stucco's up heh heh for filming, after reading his comment.

    It's possible. It is, Maggie. Can you play a ow bell too? Hungover Mother needs more cow bell.

    We'll all sing to great acclaim, Meno. :-)

    I know, I know; too many bad memories for you, Bud. :-)

    Well, wouldn't you agree with that description, Stucco? Shall I start littering my posts and comments with PAWs? (Penemuel's a walking PAW. I have to rein him in.) Piss shiver, huh? My my.

    You could do worse than be like Pema, Liv. I need to read more of her work.

    Oh, yes, highly overrated, Lynn. I want my money back. :-)

    Let's see. In both professions you get paid to create a fantasy. Yup, the two are pretty close, Chica. I love the joke. :-)

    11:00 PM, November 08, 2007  
    Blogger Mother of Invention wrote in a love letter...

    These made me smile because they are so diverse. Imagine combining them all into one person!!

    I'd love to be a singer too.

    8:59 PM, November 09, 2007  

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