Life Among the Never-Winged

Once upon a time I was writing a book called, "Just Another Love Letter", about angels behaving badly. Now I just quietly ask myself each day, "What the hell am I doing?"

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Location: The Rocky Mountain Empire, United States

My friends always knew I was going to hell. My only hope is that God likes good jokes and bad redheads.

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  • Saturday, October 13, 2007

    Moving Against the Gradient

    So I probably aced this test too.

    Big deal.

    I just found out this is going to take a lot longer than I thought. The rules changed on me.

    I've gone from knowing the path to getting completely lost in the woods. I'm not sure which way to go. And I'm afraid of hearing, 'You're too old to do this.' 'You wasted your time.' 'Go away, we can't use you.'

    I don't want alternatives. I want this. I've spent my life chasing alternatives. Every time I've had a dream I've listened to people who've told me it wouldn't work, that I should do that instead. And so I have, and now I'm here, and I don't want to be here.

    I LOVE this stuff.

    They mean well. But I know what I want. And I know what I don't want. And if it doesn't make sense to anyone else, well, so be it. Welcome to my world.

    Aw hell. Don't listen to me. I'm just tired today. Fighting off a cold again. Taking some ribbing from the Universe (inside outside/leave me alone/inside outside/nowhere is home... pours spontaneously out of the radio and I almost laugh). O is tired too. And I think the boyos are sick of us both.

    I've got to figure some things out. If I could just wake up enough. I'm tired of these dead ends.

    I'm sure I'll feel better after I make some phone calls on Monday.

    Hmm. Maybe I'll just be a writer instead.



    Labels: ,

    15 people left me a love letter:

    Blogger Schmoopie wrote in a love letter...

    Poor Pants!! It's great to see you :) Call me. We'll chat.

    4:22 PM, October 13, 2007  
    Blogger meno wrote in a love letter...

    Gradient! Excellent use of a fancy math word.

    You will get only encouragement from me, who went back to school 11 years after my first degree to get another in Electrical Engineering.

    Rah rah!

    4:23 PM, October 13, 2007  
    Blogger ms chica wrote in a love letter...

    Are they jerking you around about expired credits, and prerequisites? Don't tell me I need to fly to Colorado and kick sum registrar ass!

    Seriously, Pants, you're my hero. I wanted to go back and get my masters. The thing is I don't have a portfolio worthy of graduate school, and it would be an enormous expense considering, I have no desire to e a fine arts professor. For me, it would result in a useless credential.

    Chase the dream. For all of us. and let me know if I need to book that flight.

    8:36 PM, October 13, 2007  
    Blogger Bud wrote in a love letter...

    Pants, my love, don't give me that too old shit. I started what I'm doing five years ago. I'm not telling my age but you have a ball park estimate, I'm sure. I'm doing this because I wanted it badly and it gets better and better. And that's why you will succeed too. So get on with it. But keep writing when you can.

    4:44 AM, October 14, 2007  
    Anonymous clowncar wrote in a love letter...

    Out of your brain on the 5:15, eh? What specifically changed to make the process longer? Is getting the degree gong to take longer, or is the job you want requiring more schooling than you first thought?

    Regardless, the other bloggy responses echo my own - I'll be 50 next year (yikes!) and only one year into a new career that I'm told takes decades to master. You are never too old to do anything, ever. You are smart and capable and relentlessly tenacious. F**k those who tell you otherwise.

    9:12 AM, October 14, 2007  
    Blogger amusing wrote in a love letter...

    Hmmm... all the above optimism is encouraging, but I find that even if you think you are the bee's knees, it takes some doing to convince others after a certain point. I used to be the girl who got the interviews and often (but not always) got the job.

    Now I am not even getting phone calls in answer to resumes. I'm not panicking yet, but it's on my long-term list of things to do.

    10:33 AM, October 14, 2007  
    Blogger Des_Moines_Girl wrote in a love letter...

    Great pic! You look just like I remember you in college - like you were either studying too hard or drinking too much. On the bright side, you are showing some lovely side cleavage! ;-)

    8:35 PM, October 14, 2007  
    Blogger Irrelephant wrote in a love letter...

    I have to agree with DMG--you look like you're either about to pass smooth out and fall over sideways from drinking too much or you're about to sonorously announce "God is dead" with a pronounced German accent and fall over sideways.

    Oh, and yay side cleavage! *lol*

    (Seriously? Don't let the voices of the malcontents fool you. We no longer live in the age where you do one thing for the length of your life, jobwise, it seems. You aren't alone in starting anew. Adapt, change, and press onwards.)

    4:56 AM, October 15, 2007  
    Blogger Mother of Invention wrote in a love letter...

    Hope you find out what you need to. It will take a long time, but you have time and focus, and it will all be worth it if you end up being extremely happy with what you're doing for the majority of every day.

    2:03 PM, October 15, 2007  
    Blogger Nancy Dancehall wrote in a love letter...

    Oh, I'm fine, Schmoop, just bitchin' in my beer. Without the beer. I'll call you after I get through my lab practical. My mom keeps pushing me toward teaching. GAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

    Thanks, Meno. It moonlights as a fancy Bio word too. :-) So what was your first degree?

    Yeah, Chica! that's it! You NEED to fly out here, and...ok, so no, there aren't any credit transfer problems, but dammit, fly out here anyway!

    Really Bud, you've only been doing this five years? Man. And yes, I do want this badly. Though nursing looks better and better.

    Yup, Clowncar. :-) Hey, I've seen your test, and you've already MASTERED it, buddy!
    Well, the prerequisites changed, as in I have to have a science degree and/or have been in a related medical profession (radiology) for two years. So, I'm looking at spending two years and many thousands getting a degree, then another year or two getting my sonography certification. If I'm even accepted. (They only accept 15 a year, and they are the only game in town. In STATE, actually).

    I know, Amusing. And I was the girl who rarely got the call, and almost never got the job. The old height curse. And my interview skills are for poo. I'll hold your hand through this if you hold mine, dear.

    ME, drink DMG? ;-) And, why thank you!

    Hee, Ir, you pegged my mood completely! And, uh, thanks. :-)

    Thanks, MOI. I'm trying to figure this whole thing out. I like to think there's a reason why things are going this way.

    9:13 PM, October 15, 2007  
    Blogger liv wrote in a love letter...

    Don't make me find the opening shots of The Mary Tyler Moore Show on youtube for you. I'm headed back to school in Jan. We'll slog it out together! xoxo

    10:00 PM, October 15, 2007  
    Blogger D-Man wrote in a love letter...

    Hey, it's you!

    I'm thinking about writing a song called To Old For This Shit.

    3:51 AM, October 16, 2007  
    Blogger Nancy Dancehall wrote in a love letter...

    You like me Liv! You really like me! ;-) So what's your major?

    Hey, it's me! Write it, D-Man.

    11:23 PM, October 17, 2007  
    Blogger Cheesy wrote in a love letter...

    Oh sweet fancy Pants... Let cheesy make you a nice cup of cocoa.....

    10:27 PM, October 18, 2007  
    Blogger amusing wrote in a love letter...

    Oh, why weren't you guys both in school when I was? I needed study partners and bitchn'moan partners!

    Dammit. Now I'll just be the wise counsel who's been-there-done-that. That's mighty dull.

    8:29 AM, October 20, 2007  

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