Life Among the Never-Winged

Once upon a time I was writing a book called, "Just Another Love Letter", about angels behaving badly. Now I just quietly ask myself each day, "What the hell am I doing?"

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Location: The Rocky Mountain Empire, United States

My friends always knew I was going to hell. My only hope is that God likes good jokes and bad redheads.

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  • Thursday, August 23, 2007


    I just finished my first week of school. It's been fourteen years since I took a class that didn't involve sharing a story with the group. I thought I'd sort of slip back into school slowly so I'm starting with Biology for Majors.

    I've spent fourteen years thinking about what I would have done differently in college, in order to:

    A) Actually have a job when I graduated

    B) Avoid sinking into a depression for a year after graduation

    C) Maintain a 4.0 without suffering nervous exhaustion

    D) All of the above

    E) None of the above

    So far, so good. I think I'm doing things right this time. First I bought my books:

    A) Online and saved a hundred bucks but broke an international copyright law in the process

    B) Brand-spankin' new at the Campus Bookstore for the outrageous full price

    C) Used at the Campus Bookstore for two dollars less than the outrageous full price

    D) American copyright laws that allow publishing conglomerates to over-charge Americans are stupid

    E) A and D only

    After getting my textbook and lab manual two weeks before class I immediately:

    A) Put them away neatly on a bookshelf and haven't opened them since

    B) Conducted my first biological experiment by standing naked on the bathroom scale with the textbook and determined that fucker weighs eleven pounds, or approximately 4983 grams

    C) Then sat down on the toilet and read a chapter and a half while my butt fell asleep

    D) None of the above

    E) B and C only

    My classmates:

    A) Are all younger than me

    B) Are all children

    C) Are all rude because they all shout out answers without raising their youthful hands

    D) Are not actually all younger than me, or children, or all that rude, but it sure feels like it

    My instructor:

    A) Actually IS younger than me and has a nose ring

    B) Has a three-year-old and is four months pregnant

    C) Has read less of the textbook than I have

    D) Is extremely smart and friendly an accommodating as well as an entertaining lecturer, especially when it comes to stories about how evolution affected certain bat testicles

    E) All of the above

    JustCallMeJo came over and watched the boyos on Tuesday until O got home from work:

    A) And had a horrible time and so did they

    B) And did not introduce the boyos to the megafun of stamping with metallic inks and glitter so there weren't any works of art for me when I got home

    C) And did not introduce the boyos to Godzilla

    D) And Jack did not ask me the next day, 'Mommy, who are the guys who pray a lot and hit people with sticks? To which I did not have a blank look. And then he did not show me a stamp of a nun wielding a ruler and I certainly did not fall down laughing.

    E) None of the above

    On my way home from class tonight I:

    A) Felt more like myself than I have in years

    B) Felt confident

    C) Felt like a complete idiot

    D) Held back tears from an unidentified emotion when I thought about my answer to a question in class and my instructor's smile and her reply of, “That's a perfect textbook response.”

    E) All of the above

    I am thrilled to be back in school.

    A) True

    B) True

    Labels: , , , , ,

    21 people left me a love letter:

    Blogger Bud wrote in a love letter...

    And I'm thrilled for you for all of the above stated reasons. You're living proof that it's never too late. You know I live on that, don't you? Yeah, those scary guys who pray a lot and beat you with sticks, damn near beat the spirit out of me but I won in the end.

    6:01 AM, August 24, 2007  
    Anonymous Meredith wrote in a love letter...

    Woohoo! Good for you, getting things done! You rock. Now, give me the phone number of that babysitter! Hee hee!

    9:39 AM, August 24, 2007  
    Blogger Des_Moines_Girl wrote in a love letter...

    Congrats on surviving your first week of school! You are an inspiration! :-)

    9:39 AM, August 24, 2007  
    Blogger Maggie wrote in a love letter...

    Living the dream baby. Keep going and tell as much as you have the sanity to. It keeps the vision alive for me till the day I will be able to be sitting in a chair staring at someone younger than me prattling about bat testicles. Oh Yeah.

    12:34 PM, August 24, 2007  
    Blogger Irrelephant wrote in a love letter...

    Wow. That's got to be

    A) The most original blog post I've seen ever
    B)One of the funniest things I've seen since I watched that fat guy fall off a pier into the Atlantic
    C) Almost as much fun as talking about bat testicles
    D) All of the above
    E) Irrelephant really needs to get out more and all of the above.

    1:03 PM, August 24, 2007  
    Blogger patches wrote in a love letter...

    Sounds like a pretty good week, Nancy. Is it the week three lab, that requires you to bring in a Darwin Award winner for dissection....'cause I might have a spare laying around :)

    3:19 PM, August 24, 2007  
    Blogger amusing wrote in a love letter...

    Okay, I'm still in school mode, so I sure hope I scored an A on that test. I'm pretty sure I did.

    Wahoo and all that! School without beer pong -- imagine it! I'm cheering for you all the way! (If I were closer, I'd even offer to babysit...)

    4:15 PM, August 24, 2007  
    Blogger Stucco wrote in a love letter...

    Your section on how you felt should have included something like "tingly", "wet", "squishy", "soft" or "girly". Opportunity for inappropriateness missed.

    5:05 PM, August 24, 2007  
    Blogger Cheesy wrote in a love letter...

    Oh baby congratz! And I am just so jello-- I wanted to take a couple of night classes this coming term but that freakin' J O B got in the way.... Just enjoy the moments and keep us up to date... maybe we can all help you with your homework! and I vote E for irr....

    6:55 PM, August 24, 2007  
    Blogger meno wrote in a love letter...

    Hi! I could leave a witty response, but my brain is mush, so i will just say; I am thrilled for you. I went back to school at age 30 or so, and it was a completely different experience than the first time around.

    9:07 PM, August 24, 2007  
    Blogger liv wrote in a love letter...

    "D) Are not actually all younger than me, or children, or all that rude, but it sure feels like it"

    That sounds like my late 20s college experience to be sure!

    10:58 AM, August 25, 2007  
    Blogger Lynn wrote in a love letter...

    After working for awhile, I went to the local community college to take a Spanish class, because I:

    a) Momentarily lost my mind
    b) Needed units to move over on the pay scale
    c) Wanted to fool myself into thinking that I was still young.
    d) Actually wanted to learn Spanish.

    Realized that with maturity came a confidence to ace the class, without having to work too hard. Of course if I tried that now, my one still viable brain cell would probably explode. Good luck, and keep us informed.

    11:08 AM, August 25, 2007  
    Blogger Nancy Dancehall wrote in a love letter...

    Thanks, Bud. Nothing like necessity to get you off your kiester. You've gotta watch out for those Catholic lay teachers, too. I'm still bruised.

    Alas, Meredith, she's off to Italy for a while. She's good at barhopping too, but that's really more for the mom.

    Thanks, DMG. :-) Give the little big guy a hug for me.

    Won't that be a class discussing testicules de chauve-souris Maggie? ;-)

    Oh, I know! I know! E! E!!!!! ;-)
    And if a train is leaving Baton Rouge heading for Chicago at 20 mph, how many photographs will you snap off before it passes all the way through Alex?

    *snort* Oh, thanks Patches but I picked one up from the campus bookstore last Thursday night. She was conveniently located right behind the cash register.

    I didn't get your Scantron, Amusing. :-) With an offer like that, I'll fly you out here. Does next Tuesday work for you?

    Stucco, Stucco. That's like asking a fish to write about water.

    Thanks, Cheesy! What classes? I need all the help I can get.

    You back in town, Meno? Let me know. I've got something that won't wait. :-)

    It's true, Liv! They keep offering to help me cross the classroom.

    Thanks, Lynn. :-) So, habla espanol?

    4:05 PM, August 25, 2007  
    Blogger DaDuck wrote in a love letter...

    hehehe, right there with you! Back in school, although, technically, I am in high school. I feel the zits coming on!

    Good luck!

    12:31 AM, August 26, 2007  
    Anonymous clowncar wrote in a love letter...

    Like mebo, mye brain is too mushy from lesson plans for a witty response. But all of us over here at Chez Clowncar are very proud and excited for you as you step into the great unknown.

    And glad the boyos are learning about the glory that is Toho Studios. Oh no! There goes Tokyo!

    1:35 PM, August 26, 2007  
    Blogger Schmoopie wrote in a love letter...

    Multiple choices rock!

    It is fun to go back to school and realize you are smarter than most of your instructors and you can use this to your advantage without feeling intimidated. Heh.

    ACC, though it looks like a factory, is actually quite nice. I am so excited for you!

    Are the boyos liking Kindergarten?

    2:34 PM, August 26, 2007  
    Blogger D-Man wrote in a love letter...

    I'd like to hear more about the bat testicles...

    2:51 AM, August 27, 2007  
    Blogger meno wrote in a love letter...

    I am indeed back in town for a while. *sigh*

    12:56 PM, August 27, 2007  
    Blogger Popeye wrote in a love letter...

    I miss school, too. I've been thinking about going back.

    2:44 PM, August 27, 2007  
    Blogger Lynn wrote in a love letter...

    Si, yo hablo espanol, un poquito. Pero yo necessito practicar hablando.

    11:29 PM, August 27, 2007  
    Blogger Mother of Invention wrote in a love letter...

    Kudos to you! I can't even imagine going back to sure was fun the first time round though! I think I went on more study breaks than I did study!
    I really hope you find it interesting and stimulating, and well worth your while.

    9:14 AM, August 28, 2007  

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