Life Among the Never-Winged

Once upon a time I was writing a book called, "Just Another Love Letter", about angels behaving badly. Now I just quietly ask myself each day, "What the hell am I doing?"

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Location: The Rocky Mountain Empire, United States

My friends always knew I was going to hell. My only hope is that God likes good jokes and bad redheads.

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  • Friday, August 31, 2007

    Chemistry Lesson

    I should be studying, but I've got that black magical combination of stress and a hormonal surge that leaves me with the choice of either chewing my skin off or writing.

    Which choice would be more satisfying? Sometimes it's a tossup. But my commitments oblige me to choose the latter. Lucky you.

    Dammit. I had my feelings surgically removed when I was in college and they just keep growing back. They don't help at times like this. They tangle and I go tripping through them. I keep in mind that they arise from chemical reactions, atoms stealing electrons and taking up with the wrong sort of molecules. They are out of sync with reality, totally overblown. There is no greater reason or purpose. Everything boils down to chemicals following their fractal paths. If I just take a little more vitamin B and lie down in a dark room, all will be well.

    And it is. I take my own advice for once and the impending migraine – heralded by that ridiculous sensory overload – is averted. I go to class migraine-free.

    At the end of class, I stay after to ask my instructor a question about membrane regeneration in the rough endoplasmic reticulum of a cell. She says it's a matter of chemical reactions, lipids attracting lipids. I ask her if it is directed by an organelle, or if these lipids are free-floating, random. She tells me there is no 'cell brain' to direct it, that it is all chemical reactions, that you could go so far as to say that our emotions themselves are simply a sum of our cellular chemical reactions, that self-direction is possibly an illusion.

    Then she almost apologizes, and wonders what took her in that direction.

    I just smile and thank her, tell her she's clarified a few things.

    I can't wait to take physics.

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    16 people left me a love letter:

    Blogger Bud wrote in a love letter...

    I'm not at all trained in chemestry or physics. I always found it fascinating but couldn't handle the math. But i distinctly remember coming tot the realization many years ago that we are not much more than a pile of chemicals, going about reacting, as it were. Hard to take yourself too seriously in that respect. I'm glad you're digging it. I hope your own pile of chemicals behaves itself and makes you feel good.

    4:53 AM, August 31, 2007  
    Blogger Irrelephant wrote in a love letter...

    So what you're saying is that we're just big bags of water, a few trace elements and a dash of electical field to make us twitch and dance? Well day-um! That makes Life a LOT easier to bear, then!

    Of course it takes a lot of the thrill out of things.

    9:58 AM, August 31, 2007  
    Blogger liv wrote in a love letter...

    Egads, woman! Science! I'm skeert now.

    10:30 AM, August 31, 2007  
    Blogger Popeye wrote in a love letter...

    Damn. You talk smart.

    2:43 PM, August 31, 2007  
    Blogger meno wrote in a love letter...

    You will love it. Physics is very cool, and explains lots of the universe. I wish i could remember the physics that i learned.

    3:34 PM, August 31, 2007  
    Anonymous Rudi wrote in a love letter...

    At some level it all resolves to physics.

    Well, that's what the physicists say.

    Good to hear from you again. Just because you have a husband and kids and school and a life to lead you think you can ignore us for days on end? Yeah, well, I 'spose we'll learn to cope.

    Now that you're back in school any chance we'll:
    find you with the working girls in the county jail?

    Have I used that one before? I don't care. The song is good enough to carry the joke twice!

    7:34 PM, August 31, 2007  
    Blogger Stucco wrote in a love letter...

    I refer to my special blend of cellular chemical reactive agents as "tri-nastium pervosphate".

    7:44 PM, August 31, 2007  
    Blogger Cheesy wrote in a love letter...

    I'm sorry you lost me at the title!!
    Baby gurlie... what ya got going on ohhhh say the 14th-17th?? I'll be in town!

    12:33 AM, September 01, 2007  
    Blogger Scott from Oregon wrote in a love letter...

    Physics and Chemistry and Biology oh my!

    11:38 PM, September 01, 2007  
    Blogger Lynn wrote in a love letter...

    You must be really, really smart. I suffered through 1 year of chemistry in college, and changed my major when I was told that I would have to take physics. However, I seem to understand what you said in your, can I refer Ten and Twelve to you for questions when they have to take chemistry in High School?

    9:51 AM, September 02, 2007  
    Blogger amusing wrote in a love letter...

    My chemistry teacher told me not to take physics; like bud, the math did me in. My brain ran more to biology and physiology -- love those! Golgi bodies, lipids, etc. etc. -- I wonder if it's changed much since "back in the day" -- probably. Wow. Maybe I want to take more classes. Can I come audit with you? (Not the physics though -- unless you are going to tutor me.)

    8:16 PM, September 02, 2007  
    Blogger D-Man wrote in a love letter...

    Skin tastes good with some fava beans. Mmmmm.

    4:46 AM, September 03, 2007  
    Blogger Mother of Invention wrote in a love letter...

    Still Greek to me! If they could relate it to emotions and srtsie stuff, I might have a chance.
    Enjoy the opportunity.

    10:19 AM, September 04, 2007  
    Anonymous clowncar wrote in a love letter...

    Tried to come up with some pithy Vonnegut quote about bad chemicals turning us into robots, but I'm too freakin tired to look. There is one, I'm sure.

    "Atoms stealing electrons and taking up with the wrong sort of molecules" is a gem of a phrase.

    Tom Waits and 7th graders mix surprisingly well.

    4:37 PM, September 04, 2007  
    Anonymous clowncar wrote in a love letter...

    p.s. - 7th graders and Amy Tan, not so much. Bored silly, as a matter of fact.

    4:26 PM, September 05, 2007  
    Blogger Nancy Dancehall wrote in a love letter...

    I find it endless fascinating, Bud. The metaphors that pile up like fractals. The fact that we are halfway between the quarks and the stars. That it's all equally important. Every bit of it.

    What a romantic you are, Ir. Gimme the thrills. :-)

    Don't be skeert, Liv. You're all smart and stuff. Think metaphorically.

    The more I learn, the stupider I realize I am, Popeye.

    Meno, I love you. Have my children?

    Ah, Rudi, Guadalajara just won't do. Ad my darling readers are never far from my mind. :-)

    I understand Tri-nastium pervoshate is hydrophilic and penetrates membranes easily, Stucco. ;-)

    Cheesy! Did you get my email? YAY!!!!!

    These are a few of my favorite things, Scott.

    Ah, Lynn, chemistry kicked my butt in high school. Couldn't balance Moles. I had to settle for my 'gentleman's C', as my dad called it. But I think I'm understanding it now, with a better instructor. Send the kiddos my way. :-)

    Hey, Amusing, how is an American like a membrane? Both are made of fat and afraid of water. Hahahahahaha!
    Ok, nobody gets that but me.
    Please, please come audit! There's more where that came from.

    Don't forget the Chianti, D-Man. Mmmm...mitochondria in dark meat....

    But you CAN, MOI! It's all metaphors. _And_ truth. And I think it's a shame that smart artists like yourself are intimidated by science. It's poetry, trust me.

    I'm SURE there's one, Clowncar. But here's a Vonnegut quote on evolution from _Galapagos_: 'People will always laugh at their own farts' I bet that'd be a hit with the kids!
    Sweet. Of course they connect with Waits. I bet you're getting some primo stories from your exercise.
    Bored, huh? Poor Amy. Well, _I_ won't tell her...

    8:08 PM, September 05, 2007  

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