Life Among the Never-Winged

Once upon a time I was writing a book called, "Just Another Love Letter", about angels behaving badly. Now I just quietly ask myself each day, "What the hell am I doing?"

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Location: The Rocky Mountain Empire, United States

My friends always knew I was going to hell. My only hope is that God likes good jokes and bad redheads.

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  • Wednesday, May 02, 2007

    A Series of Unfortunate Events (with a Couple of Good Ones), To Be Followed by Some Really Good Days in General

    I'm doing this synopsis because every time I sit down to write a real post, my butt catches fire and I have to jump back up and put it out.

    Last Week:

    Started with a visit with my favorite Cooter War Doc, Doctor S. I was hoping to grill the ultrasound tech as well For My Own Personal Reasons (which will come up here shortly, you'll see), but there wasn't one and the good doc did the deed himself. He complimented me again on my perfectly diseased ovaries (“Textbook photo, really. Perfect examples.”) and...couldn't find anything else wrong.

    “I believe you about the pain. I want you to know that,” he said. “It's like when your car is making a noise and you take it into the mechanic and he can't find anything wrong and it stops making that noise and you want to tear your or his hair out. But please don't tear my hair out.”

    I love Doc S.

    “I have some options for you, but I don't like any of them. So you get to pick,” he went on. “I hate putting patients on medication, and I hate seeing them in pain. And...those are our only options.”

    Option 1: “Limp your way to menopause.”

    Option 2: “Switch you to Provera, which is a pill, which I hate doing.”

    Option 3: “Put you on The Pill, which, again, is a pill.” I reminded him of my Pill history and he said, “Oh. I don't think you want that then.” (And he's right. I really don't want a stroke, thank you.)

    Option 4: “Total laparoscopic hysterectomy. Despite the controversy, I would put you on estrogen replacement therapy, because you are too young. And, I would take your uterus too, because well...”

    He didn't like what he found in there the last time. Thinking about this option makes the edges of the room go all black and I have to sit down.

    (And my eyes are leaking again. This was supposed to be FUNNY, dammit.)

    Then, a Good Thing last week. We got Jo moved into her new pad with relatively little muss and fuss and nothing broken. And I drove home in a blizzard which, with the snow coming straight at my windshield, made me feel like Han Solo hitting hyperspace. And really, who DOESN'T want to be Han Solo hitting hyperspace?

    And then there was the Incoming Kindergärtners Orientation. I had these plans, see? Kindergarten is only half days, but there is a supplemental program, which turns some of those half days into whole days, and those whole days would allow me to...

    ...go back to school myself. Woot.

    I even know what I want to do this time around. But I'll save that for another post, because this one is ridiculously long and convoluted and I don't have this guy's skills to pull it off.

    Anyway. Then I found out that the supplemental program, which is in a tax-supported public school, costs more than a year of college.

    So. No whole days. And no school for me for another year. Peh.

    And finally, there is the looming doom of a Trip to Illinois. See, my dad's retiring beginning of June, so my mom has this fabbo plan of driving the minivan out to nab the boyos and me for, “oh, a week or two, maybe three, hey you can stay as long as you like!” And I DON'T HAVE AN ESCAPE PLAN! There was talk of flying, of driving, of O flying out, of O driving out, but O's employee is going to Germany about that time, and OH MY GOD I THINK I'M GONNA SPEND THE SUMMER IN ILLINOIS UNDER MY PARENTS' ROOF. *breathe breathe*

    I love my parents. Let me repeat that, and let me yell because I seem to be doing that a lot all of a sudden, I LOVE my parents.


    There are other family members I'm not so keen on. And I'm not so keen on surrendering my adult identity for more than say, the time it takes a photon to traverse my kitchen.

    But, with my dad retired perhaps I can keep us out of Rockvaletonford by distracting him with trips to Madison for shiny objects -- “Look, Daddy, look! Rare Beatles CD with a track of Ringo eating a cracker! Oooo...shiny! Let's get it! Hey, is that a Whole Foods Store? Who wants a treat? Good boy!”*

    So. You see. The events of Saturday night, with the whole unwilling surrender of parental control, sort of played ping pong with the events to come in which I will be forced into unwilling surrender of parental control. And even though it's kind of like a ping pong game with Forrest Gump playing against all of Communist China in terms of the players' potential menace, there were those echos that sent me, well, sitting down because the edges of the room were turning black again.

    I gotta go. My dog's eating Sheep 'n' Peat.

    I'll do the 'Some Really Good Days' post later. I've had some.

    Oh! And, this time next week, I will be staring at the ocean. Unbelievable. Joy.

    *(I can say this because I do respect him, love him terribly and I'm just like him.)

    Additional labels: Posts that are synopses that aren't really synopses but really long posts instead, my favorite space pirate, I found my tiara and it says 'Drama'

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    16 people left me a love letter:

    Blogger Mother of Invention wrote in a love letter...

    lif suddenly gets complicated with choices and "options". I guess just doing a short visit with your parents isn't an option? I love my parents but i can't "do" them for very long..maybe an overnight and day. It's just been too long to try and fit into their routines and same old patterns that you all fall back intoout of pure habit. Mine are now 86 and 87! I know, I'm lucky to have had them for so long. They're only an hour away but I don't see them that much really and I do feel guilty sometimes.

    7:26 PM, May 02, 2007  
    Blogger JustCallMeJo wrote in a love letter...

    You can say 'Let's only do a week'. I've done it to mine. I'm spending three weeks with mine, and they wanted us all to sleep cozily in one room. But we COMPROMISED and I said, "Ma, don't you think we'd all get along better if we spend a few days of that vacation in separate rooms? I just want us all to have a good time."

    To which she understood: Mother, you will drive me insane if I have to have too many days with you so if you don't want to fight, and I know you don't, let's build in some breathers.

    And it was fine.

    Just a suggestion.

    7:41 PM, May 02, 2007  
    Blogger meno wrote in a love letter...

    Surgery is not ever something that i would happily choose. I am sorry. It all sucks.

    Give your mom some reason why you cannot possibly be away for that much time. the garden, the pets, the husband, the tampon supply...whatever.

    9:26 PM, May 02, 2007  
    Blogger Lynn wrote in a love letter...

    Can you get a second opinion re: your options? You still might not like the options...then again you may.

    I'm thinking the Kindergaren thing is really a need to be sure that you are in tip top shape (or some semblance of it) before adding school for you into the mix.

    As for your visit with your parents...don't you have some really important appointment that you can't possible reschedule a week (or two, you pick the length of time) into your visit?

    10:20 PM, May 02, 2007  
    Blogger Da Duck wrote in a love letter...

    Surgery...ouch. I would not know what to do if faced with that option.

    Rare Beatles CD! hehehe, I am just laughing at the rare and cd in the same sentence.

    12:34 AM, May 03, 2007  
    Blogger Stucco wrote in a love letter...

    I have questions...

    I'm going to hell. I can tell.

    9:42 AM, May 03, 2007  
    Blogger Mona Buonanotte wrote in a love letter...

    The last time my OB and I talked about the "H" thing (that ends in -ectomy), the room went all black for me, too, and I sort of threw up in my mouth a little bit. In fact, reading your post made me want to grab you and hug you and take you out to lunch wherein we consume extraordinary and un-mom-like quantities of rum and bitch and laugh and roll on the ground maybe a little bit.

    The parental-visit thing can be cured with excuses..."We can only stay a week, mom, the kids have (play dates, doctors appointments, Nobel Prize ceremonies), and I have (OB visits, a migraine to plan, to receive the Nobel Prize from the kids)."

    Good luck, m'dear, I'm thinking about you today!

    10:34 AM, May 03, 2007  
    Blogger patches wrote in a love letter...

    I'm sorry your uterus is a practicing anarchist. Jeez, why can't all the organs just get along and do their jobs, damn it!

    Ask if there are scholarships available for the supplemental program. I can empathize about life not not accommodating your timeline. The Missus has waited for five years to relocate and crap just keeps happening.

    11:04 AM, May 03, 2007  
    Blogger Open Grove Claudia wrote in a love letter...

    Congratulations on going back to school - how exciting to even think about! You are truly brave.

    Have you thought about/tried acupuncture? The chinese (mainland) doctors at the Colorado School (in Denver) do a great job with this kind of thing. I have a friend who was in the same position and is now painfree. It's amazing.

    So much on your plate... Good luck with it all!

    4:38 PM, May 03, 2007  
    Blogger Schmoopie wrote in a love letter...

    Dr. S. is Denver's Dr. McDreamy!

    6:30 PM, May 03, 2007  
    Blogger Scott from Oregon wrote in a love letter...

    Three weeks with parents and only a day at the beach?

    P R I O R I T I Z E...

    7:26 PM, May 03, 2007  
    Blogger Cheesy wrote in a love letter...

    Sweety.. I take it you are thinking you don't want to be done having children? If you are,,, surgery is an option I would say look into. Solves alot of woes and you aren't having to take pills everyday.. unless Dr. wants you on hormones? I had a radical in 2001 [had to due to cancer] and to this day I still haven't had to go the hormone route. I don't know your age but if you want to talk about it darlin... email me!

    10:02 PM, May 03, 2007  
    Blogger Mother of Invention wrote in a love letter...

    Try the acupuncture before surgery. Make surgery your last resort. My husband does acupuncture in his practice and it works on many. Not all, but a fair number.

    Good luck with that and your parent visit!

    3:57 PM, May 04, 2007  
    Blogger JustCallMeJo wrote in a love letter...

    Oh, and what Scott said.

    7:44 PM, May 04, 2007  
    Blogger Nancy Dancehall wrote in a love letter...

    Ga, I'm tired. I will answer youse all tomorrow. Thank you, everybody.

    12:39 AM, May 05, 2007  
    Anonymous Olinda wrote in a love letter...

    Good for people to know.

    11:40 AM, November 10, 2008  

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