It's the middle of the night. I'm exhausted, I think, but I can't tell because I am so enraged right now.
We left the boyos with O's folks tonight, so we could go to his class reunion. This is the third time recently that we've taken them over to their house to be watched. O's folks used to come here, because it was easier to get the boyos to bed afterwards. But with my FIL's health, it makes more sense to take the boyos over there, and since they have reached an age where they aren't into everything, I'm not worried about them damaging anything anymore.
What I was worried about in this new arrangement came to pass tonight, after I'd reached a point where I trusted it wouldn't happen.
When we picked up the boyos tonight, my MIL waited until O was in another room.
“I have something to tell you,” she said. “J (my SIL) came by this evening. She didn't know the boys were here. She just wanted to drop off some tools, and she had some pizza with them. I just wanted to tell you.”
Let's pause here. Now, I will suspend my disbelief enough to grant that perhaps J didn't know the boyos would be there, despite the fact that she and my MIL are on the phone once an hour. I will grant the possibility that she happened to be in her car with the tools and decided to drop in unannounced on a Saturday night. But, to sit down and have pizza with them, to be allowed to do so, considering the state of affairs...
I didn't respond. I didn't trust myself to respond. I looked at the tv instead. My MIL continued. “She just had a couple pieces of pizza.” She was using her defensive voice, as if I had said something. And since I was raised a Nice Girl, I responded, “It's fine.” My tone was flat, and certainly not amused. My MIL kept on about it.
And then it kicked into my brain that she was talking to me about this, not to O and not to the both of us, and I said, “I am not the one who started this. I am not the one who picked up the phone out of nowhere and told someone what a horrible person she is and then hung up on her.”
“Well. I just don't know what to do,” she said.
And then she added this little kicker:
“I just want everyone to get along by (the FIL's) birthday. That would be nice, don't you think?”
I feel violated. Again. My SIL's rude, she's pushy; once when we were all actually getting along she came over while I was out of town and O was at work and pushed my mom around, ignoring our house rules regarding what the boyos were allowed and not allowed to do (putting my mom in an awkward position as well), and now she's doing it again.
I don't want my boyos eating with a woman who has verbally attacked their parents on numerous occasions, and has caused a rift in the family. I don't want her to have access to them when we are not around. We have not spoken to her in a year and a half. What gives her the right to sit down and have pizza with our sons just out of the blue?
And how can I trust my MIL again? The fact that she let this happen, and that she only told me about it while O was out of the room, and in a manner that left me feeling like Grendel's mother; some dumb, hairy, clutching beast...it doesn't sit well. It doesn't sit well at all.
Am I overreacting?