Life Among the Never-Winged

Once upon a time I was writing a book called, "Just Another Love Letter", about angels behaving badly. Now I just quietly ask myself each day, "What the hell am I doing?"

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Location: The Rocky Mountain Empire, United States

My friends always knew I was going to hell. My only hope is that God likes good jokes and bad redheads.

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  • Tuesday, March 27, 2007


    Thanks, Amusing, for the great meme!

    If My Childhood Plans Had Worked Out:

    (Well, I'll tell you one of them, one that actually takes place on THIS planet...)

    I would be writing my latest bestseller, a genre-crosser involving details gleaned from my earlier days as an astronaut, my world travels as a war corespondent, and my hot, doomed romances (no astronaut adult diaper jokes, please).

    I live in a beach house on Cherry Lane with my immortal black Siamese cats named Poe and Raven, my hedgehog named Pixie, my Florida king snake named Cassandra and a Jack Russel Terrier named Sam. My property is home to a warren of rabbits that never bother my gardens, foxes than never bother the rabbits, wolves that never bother the foxes, and a host of songbirds that certainly never bother anybody.

    The house is really more of a cottage, surrounded by cottage gardens that grow beautifully despite the salt air. I've grown everything from seed in my perfect greenhouse, and have managed to breed the world's only true blue tulips and roses. There are ancient oaks on the property, and beech trees, forests, meadows, a pond, a creek, a barn, a few guest houses and of course the wide white beach. Every year, the dolphins migrate past my 'yard' and I swim with them; that is, if I'm not on a world-wide book tour. I missed them one year when I was out with Dave Barry, Stephen King, Scott Turow, Amy Tan, Kathi Kamen Goldmark, James McBride, Roy Blount, Jr. and Matt Groening, singing lead in our rock group, The Rock Bottom Remainders.

    I have a butler named Hudson who oversees all my needs and has dedicated his life's work to me. I also have a masseuse and a cook named Mrs. Bridges (Hudson's wife of course) who clucks and fusses over me when I forget to eat because I'm so busy writing.

    All my friends have become successful artists, writers, actors, musicians and what have you, and they all live within walking or biking distance. I host parties all the time, mostly barn dances under the full moon. My buddy Dave Matthews LOVES playing these gigs. Tim O'Brien loves playing these quaint little affairs too, as does Bela Fleck, Allison Krauss, Neil Young, oh, too many to mention! Sting stops by often with Trudy and the kids, (he's a big fan of mine and admires my intellect) but has only performed a few times. Mostly we just sit in the library and talk.

    And after so many years of doomed romances, I think I've found The One. He lives in England, loves gardening, cooking, music, The Addams Family, Ray Bradbury, painting, horseback riding and sweeping me off my feet me with terribly romantic gestures. He's also wickedly handsome, terribly funny and occasionally brooding. But, I bring him out of his melancholia with my smile.


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    15 people left me a love letter:

    Blogger Irrelephant wrote in a love letter...

    That's one heck of a perfect world you've got there, Dancy, but where is the port?

    6:14 AM, March 28, 2007  
    Blogger patches wrote in a love letter...

    I like that you took the time to name the butler. It shows you're in touch with the plebeians and haven't let fame go to your head.

    7:34 AM, March 28, 2007  
    Blogger Mona Buonanotte wrote in a love letter...

    This post rocked! Including both Matt Groening AND Dave Matthews just made you a goddess in my book.

    8:24 AM, March 28, 2007  
    Blogger Scott from Oregon wrote in a love letter...

    I'd visit you...

    10:16 AM, March 28, 2007  
    Blogger Maggie wrote in a love letter...

    Jeez, listen I don't know how it happened but my beach cottage is not close enough to yours. I'm moving. Because I'd like to think I'm one of your arty super intelligent novel writing (and of course famous scientist) friends.

    12:30 PM, March 28, 2007  
    Blogger amusing wrote in a love letter...

    The next time you rabble-rousers come over here, drunk, and rearrange my dinosaur skeleton garden, I'm going to call the cops, I tell ya!

    12:58 PM, March 28, 2007  
    Blogger Maggie wrote in a love letter...

    Aww, c'mon Amusing, sticking that Triceratop's butt on the bracheosuarus was pretty funny, wasn't it?

    2:26 PM, March 28, 2007  
    Blogger Nancy Dancehall wrote in a love letter...

    Oh, the port's down in the wine cellar of course, along with the champagne, the super Tuscans, and all the other goodies.

    I LOVE the little people, Patches! I don't make a move without my butler's approval. He keeps me in line, being English and all. Did I mention that?

    Woo hoo! Mona thinks I'm a goddess! You wanna sing in the band too? I'll call Kathi...

    Yes, you would, Scott. :-)

    Well of course, Maggie, you just live on down the path past the lighthouse and Amusing's beachhouse.

    Hee hee was Maggie's idea, Amusing. And wouldn't you agree that Bronto ribs make fabbo bean poles? Oh, and O's going with you on your next Egyptian dig. He's a world famous archaeologist too, specializing in dinosaurs and Egypt. Is there really anything else anybody wants to dig up? I didn't think so.

    2:50 PM, March 28, 2007  
    Blogger meno wrote in a love letter...

    I love your title!

    Tell amusing that it was the foxes that messed with the dinosaur bones.

    I'm coming to visit during dolphin season. I want to swim with them too, because, you know, i am a famous marine biologist.

    A great life you once thought you'd have. :)

    3:07 PM, March 28, 2007  
    Blogger JustCallMeJo wrote in a love letter...

    I wanna visit, too. Especially when Dave Matthews stops by.

    11:13 PM, March 28, 2007  
    Blogger Nancy Dancehall wrote in a love letter...

    Well, you're the famous painter living down the road. Waaaay down the road, in the desert. :-) I'm sure he'll swing by your place first.

    11:18 PM, March 28, 2007  
    Anonymous d-man wrote in a love letter...

    I'd be living in an Ewok Village.

    3:46 AM, March 29, 2007  
    Blogger Cheesy wrote in a love letter...

    Oh hell Nancy.. I'LL be your cook! All I ask is for my own little serf cottage by the sea and a little garden of my own,, and that Mr. Bridges likes to um....take care of my needs!

    7:14 AM, March 29, 2007  
    Blogger Nancy Dancehall wrote in a love letter...

    You'd rule the Ewoks, D-Man, towering over them with your fakey height...

    You're hired, Cheesy! Do you like working for a thirteen-year-old girl? ;-)

    8:51 AM, March 29, 2007  
    Blogger Schmoopie wrote in a love letter...

    I will fly all of your friends to visit you as your private pilot in your own Gulf Stream jet.

    10:38 PM, March 29, 2007  

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