Life Among the Never-Winged

Once upon a time I was writing a book called, "Just Another Love Letter", about angels behaving badly. Now I just quietly ask myself each day, "What the hell am I doing?"

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Location: The Rocky Mountain Empire, United States

My friends always knew I was going to hell. My only hope is that God likes good jokes and bad redheads.

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  • Tuesday, January 31, 2006

    Since this is my long day

    ...with the boyos (O is gone for 12 hours on Tuesdays) I thought I'd save time and post my meme. I'll catch you up on my new observations on Purgatory that I had yesterday tomorrow (does that even make sense?)


    Four jobs I've had:
    1. Lab Rat – as a teenager, I worked in a pathology lab. Duties included fetching stray paperwork from cadavers in the morgue. BTW, in case it was keeping you up at night, Elvis really is dead. One of my pathologists was on the spot. He said they scooped handfuls of pills out of the poor guy.
    2. Tarot Card and Crystal Seller – In a (gasp) comic book store. Told you I was a geek.
    3. Something Naughty – For a day. In a documentary. I thought it would be interesting. It wasn’t.
    4. Copywriter for a Magazine for Process Control Engineers – My specialties were ISO 9000 quality compliance and smokestack scrubbers. I thought it would be boring. It wasn’t.

    Four dream jobs I want:
    1. The second most famous writer you’ve never heard of.
    2. Owner of Sam Wise Acres -- an off-the-grid organic farm that runs on a produce subscription service. Features goats, ducks, rabbits and a rooster named Chanticleer.
    3. Host of the This Old House Hour.
    4. Work from home and earn thousands of $$$$$ every month, with no buying, no selling, no strings attached, following a simple program that requires only an hour of my time every week!

    Four places I've lived:
    1. Chicago
    2. Des Moines
    3. A largish rustbelt town in the Midwest
    4. The ‘ghetto’ (ha!) of Greenwood Village, Colorado

    Four of my favorite foods: (Oh God, only four!?!)
    1. Duck a la anything
    2. Seafood (lobster, crab, shrimp, blowfish, calamari, salmon, Chilean sea bass…)
    3. Chocolate anything (especially ice cream, preferably from this little pub in Cork called The Pink Elephant)
    4. Big Daddy’s BBQ in Des Moines. Nothing on this earth is hotter. God rest that generous man’s soul.
    5. Chipotle (See? I told you I couldn’t keep it to 4)

    Four TV shows that I like to watch: (I don’t watch a lot of TV, so does NetFlix count?):
    1. Upstairs Downstairs
    2. Desperate Housewives
    3. Dead Like Me
    4. Six Feet Under (Die Nate Die!!!)

    Four Movies I could watch over and over again:
    1. It’s a Wonderful Life
    2. The Wizard of Oz
    3. Forrest Gump
    4. Anything with the Marx Brothers, Johnny Depp or Marilyn Monroe in it.

    Four Places I would rather be:
    Tyrell’s Pass, Ireland
    Tuam, Ireland

    On the N17, Ireland
    Paris

    Four Websites I visit:
    Hmmm….other than the ones already posted on my nav bar.…
    http://www.jacquespepin.net/recipes/archive.html - Recipe of the Month – Jacques Pepin

    http://www.foreignword.com/ -- Foreignword.com

    http://dictionary.reference.com/ -- Dictionary.com

    http://janus.astro.umd.edu/ -- The Astronomy Workshop

    Four people I want to tag:
    1. Anthrax De La Clowncar – get a site, you old geeze! Dammit! (The man actually builds websites, so he has NO excuse.) Join us.....
    2. Neil Gaiman (Yeah, like he reads this)
    Everybody else I leave off the hook…unless you want to do this.



    Sunday, January 29, 2006

    Here Goes Nothing

    Ok, one last minute of procrastination, then it’s on to JALL. I’m writing the last third now, the part of the book where I turn over my cards and hope I’ve got a winning hand.

    The guys are out of the house. My left shoulder’s feeling better (since Friday it’s been hurting like hell for no apparent reason).

    Oh, one last thing for DMG; yes, I know you tagged me, yes, I’ve written my response, no I’m not putting it on here yet. But, this is for you:


    There. Feel better? ;-)

    For more dirty laundry, check out my next meme. Ugh.

    Friday, January 27, 2006

    Take Hope


    My primroses have come out of their dormancy and gone into bloom. Spring is coming.

    (Groundhogs? We don't need no stinkin' groundhogs!)

    De nada.

    Monday, January 23, 2006

    I Can't Believe the News Today

    Taking a page from Des Moines Girl, I'm commenting on a 'news of the strange' story. I can't resist doing a good parody. Thanks to Mr. Clowncar for sending it to me, and making the Bono connection:


    Woman Says McDonald's Served Bloody Sundae

    GEORGETOWN, Del. -- Was it blood or strawberry syrup?
    Carmen Jara of Georgetown is suing a McDonald's franchise, claiming her then-13-year-old son was served a hot fudge sundae contaminated with human blood. She said her son got sick and was afraid he'd contracted a deadly disease.
    A judge has granted a request for a hearing delay by lawyers for the franchise operator, AJM Enterprise.
    No date for a new hearing has been set. But Jara's attorney expects the case to go to trial.
    Jara claims an employee at the McDonald's cut his finger and the blood dripped into her son's treat they bought 13-months ago. She said a manager at the store confirmed that the substance in the sundae was blood.
    The owner of the McDonald's denies the charges. He said strawberry syrup probably just clogged the sundae machine.
    POSTED: 6:59 am EST January 23, 2006

    ***********************************

    Sundae Bloody Sundae:

    I can't believe desserts today
    Just get your money back
    And make it go away
    How long...
    How long must we sue McD’s?
    How long, how long...
    'cause tonight...we can make a deal
    Tonight...

    Foreign substance in my child's treat
    fingers strewn across the frozen meat
    But I won't heed the syrup claim
    It made him upchuck
    Put my son in lots of pain

    Sundae, Bloody Sundae
    Sundae, Bloody Sundae
    Sundae, Bloody Sundae

    And the battle's just begun
    There's money lost, but the lawyers won
    The owner claims a mechanical fart
    But the manager saw the employee’s finger
    Torn apart

    Sundae, Bloody Sundae
    Sundae, Bloody Sundae

    How long...
    How long must we sue McD’s?
    How long, how long...
    'cause tonight...we can make a deal
    Tonight...

    Sundae, Bloody Sundae Sundae, Bloody Sundae
    Wipe the blood from your ice

    Wipe your barf away

    Oh, wipe your barf away

    Oh, wipe your barf away

    (
    Sundae, Bloody Sundae)
    Oh, wipe your blood shot ice (cream)

    (
    Sundae, Bloody Sundae)
    Sundae
    , Bloody Sundae (Sundae, Bloody Sundae)
    Sundae
    , Bloody Sundae (Sundae, Bloody Sundae)
    And it's true we are amused

    When fact’s like fiction and reality TV

    And today the billions served
    We eat and drink though the story’s got us unnerved
    (Sundae, Bloody Sundae)

    The real battle just begun
    To claim the victory Kroc won

    On...

    Sundae, Bloody Sundae
    Sundae
    , Bloody Sundae...

    (C) Nancy Dancehall

    Tuesday, January 17, 2006

    Wolf Moon

    First, thanks, guys for your lovely comments. Thanks too for letting me use you as guinea pigs. I’m trying to work myself up into writing a luuuuvvve scene for the book (can’t have a book called Just Another Love Letter without a love scene or two; that’d be false advertising). Love scenes and chase scenes, man, they’re tough. Of course, I might just get Julie to ghostwrite the love scenes for me ;-) (we need to talk!).

    So I’m coming out of my seasonal funk. Feeling the sap rise, feeling the fire burn in my belly again.

    Last Thursday, I thought I’d burst out of my skin. I was full of that bad, twitchy kind of energy – mouse energy – that makes me just want to scurry around. I was irritated, feeling like I had fur under my flesh, rough and itchy, impossible to scratch. Too much on my mind, too many things I can’t control. I’d buried myself in my head and my body was trying to revert to some animal state. To go feral.

    Sam, my sweet-but-exponentially-dumb Jack Russell Terrier, scratched at the back door to be let out. I opened it and hooked him on his leash. As I knelt in the doorway, the wind picked up. Night wind is a rare thing here. I listened to it roll out of the southwest, until it shook the tall pine tree outside the back door. The tree made that delicate roaring sound that only countless pine needles rubbing together can achieve. I stayed on my knees and felt the air brush my face, the wind a bare breath warmer than the air.

    I crept outside, still crouching, and opened my mouth. I sucked in the wind, drank it down. I swear I tasted sagebrush and wet clay and wood smoke and something else I couldn’t name. The air felt thick in my body, substantial, water-like. I looked up. The moon was almost full. I sat down and continued to breathe through my mouth, watching the moon, listening to the wind. No other noise disturbed things, not even a single coyote howl.

    Sam wandered back to me. I heard one of the boys inside getting into trouble.

    Reluctantly, I stood up and opened the door. One last look around the yard and I stepped inside. The air in the cathedral seemed thin and false, warmed by vents, its heat a cheat. I could still feel that rarified night breeze inside me. It moved in the blood pumping through my heart.

    The jangley mouse energy had smoothed out. I felt something new, something bigger, stronger. This new energy tempered my worries. It made me feel like I’d gotten some power back. over myself.

    I feel like writing again. Just like that. It’s out of hibernation again. This is the year I complete my first novel. I don’t even care anymore if it sees the light of a published day.

    Current Music: Will the Wolf Survive? -- Los Lobos

    Wednesday, January 11, 2006

    When I Left You In Your Bed

    When I left you in your bed, I knew I wouldn’t see you again for months. My body ached from our recent encounter, my heart ached with wanting you all over again, knowing I’d have to wait.

    I felt dirty, my body covered in sweat. My hands were cold. The first thing I did after leaving you was to take a long, hot shower, wash away the smell of you, bring warmth back into my fingers, fresh from working you over.

    You’ve always been a lot of work for me. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth the effort. Then I remember how good you taste, how you smell like life itself, especially after a good strong shower. Your raw beauty at midday, your quiet spirit at night.

    January is here. We couldn’t be farther apart. When can we start again? March is risky, so is April. But how can I wait for May?

    The wait is torture. I need you, and you are so out of reach.

    How many times last summer did I put the boys down for a nap just so I could sneak out and be with you? You make me forget everything…my past, my worries, my husband, my children. You remind me that I’m flesh and blood, you feed my body and give me pleasure like nothing else.

    I think of all the different ways I can bed you. All the new techniques I can try, all the new toys. I page through magazines, through catalogues, reading the words…soft flesh, blue-eyed, firm shaft, longer-lasting, tantalizing, yielding…


    Yup, it’s that time of year again. Four seed catalogues just came in the mail. I'm in heaven.

    Gardeners have the dirtiest minds.

    Marvin Hill - Sudden Rain


    Saturday, January 07, 2006

    Another Meme Because I'm Tired...

    ...and the boyos are tearing apart the room behind me.

    In 2005:

    (x)=yes ( )=no (*)=only in my dreams

    ( ) stayed single
    (*) kissed someone new
    ( ) made out in a car
    (x) kissed in the snow
    (*) kissed in the rain
    (x) fell in love
    ( ) fell in love with a fool
    (x) had your heart broken
    ( ) broke someone else's heart
    (x) had a good relationship with someone
    ( ) questioned your sexual orientation
    ( ) gotten pregnant
    ( ) gotten someone else pregnant
    ( ) kissed someone of the same sex
    ( ) dated someone you'll never forget
    (x) done something you've regretted
    ( ) lost your true love forever
    ( ) lost faith in love
    (x) kissed under mistletoe

    WORK/SCHOOL

    ( ) got a promotion
    ( ) got a pay raise
    ( ) changed jobs
    ( ) lost your job
    ( ) quit your job
    ( ) dated a co-worker
    ( ) dated your boss
    ( ) dated your boss' daughter/son
    ( ) got fired from your job
    (x) did something you were proud of
    (x) discovered a new talent
    (x) proved yourself an idiot
    (x) were involved in something you'll never forget

    OTHER

    (x) painted a picture
    (x) wrote a poem
    (x) ran a mile
    (x) listened to music you couldn't stand
    ( ) double-dipped
    (*) skinny-dipped
    (x) went to a sleepover
    ( ) went to camp
    ( ) threw a surprise party
    (x) laughed till you cried
    (x) laughed till you peed in your pants
    (x) flirted shamelessly
    (*) visited a foreign country
    (x) visited a foreign state
    ( ) cooked a disastrous meal
    (x) lost something important to you
    (x) got a gift you adore
    (x) realized something new about yourself
    ( ) tried to gain weight
    ( ) dyed your hair
    (x) came close to losing your life
    (x) someone close to you died
    (*) reunited with a friend
    (*) made an accomplishment that shocked everyone
    (x) realized your truest friends
    (x) told a secret that would ruin your life if revealed
    (x) threw a party
    (x) went to a party
    (x) did (a) drug(s)
    (*) got arrested
    (x) read a great book
    (x) saw a great movie
    ( ) saw a movie so scary that it made you cry
    (x) saw your favorite band/artist live
    (x) saw someone famous in person
    (x) did something you want to tell everyone
    ( ) Enjoyed this year overall

    Friday, January 06, 2006

    Uuuuuuuuhhhhh.......

    Cough cough, wheeze....up all night with the boyos...sorry I'm neglecting you guys....they come first...sniff cough....

    Eww.

    God I need to write for real.

    Monday, January 02, 2006

    These Fireworks Are Kind of Freaking Me Out

    Ok. Hello 2006. Don’t be a bitch like 2005, ok? Don’t kill anyone I know, don’t kill anyone I don’t know, and try not to fuck with the weather too much, ok?

    New Year’s Eve was quite fun. We went to a friend’s house, boyos and all. We partook of a genuine wonder, a Chocolate Fountain. Why has no one ever thought of this before? I wanted to shrink down and dance in it.

    At midnight, RyGuy set off fireworks. We all stood outside and watched. I held Jack, and O held Declan. They liked watching the neighbors’ fireworks, but did not appreciate the ones that exploded over our heads. Declan buried his head in O’s neck and said, “Those fireworks are kindy freaking me out.” So we went in to adore the fountain some more.

    We got home at 2:30, and to sleep by four. I think we all got up around 10 the next day.


    I’ll post my resolutions later, after I figure out what they are. In the meantime, this is a meme created by Poppy Z. Brite, and slightly modified by me. For you kids playing along at home, post your meme answers in my comments section, or carry the fun back to your very own blog for hours of enjoyment. I’ll be along in a while to snoop, like I always do.

    Last of 2005
    Last Book Read: Finished: Anansi Boys, by Neil Gaiman (writing God) Ok, well technically, the last book I read was The Cat in the Hat. Still in progress: Three Roads to Quantum Gravity, by Lee Smolin, Entanglement: The Unlikely Story of How Scientists, Mathematicians and Philosophers Proved Einstein’s Spookiest Theory, and Christ the King out of Egypt, by Anne Rice.

    Last Live Music Show Seen: Rockygrass in Lyons, featuring The Greencards, Doc Watson, Bela Fleck, Tim O'Brien, Sam Bush, and Alison Krauss and Union Station with Jerry Douglas. I met Tim O’Brien and made a complete ass of myself. Whoopee!

    Last CD Purchased: Fiddler’s Green, by the aforementioned Tim O’Brien, Childish Things, by James McMurtry, (featured on ipod One! OMG, we’re sooo fkd!) Por Vida, by Alejandro Escovedo, and Demanding to Be Next, by Preacher Boy. All purchased a couple of days ago, as an additional Christmas present for O (yeah, and kinda for me).

    Last Music Pirated That Fell off a Russian Truck and Onto My Hard Drive: (my addition to the meme) Drunkard’s Prayer, by Over the Rhine and Hybrid Theory, by Linkin Park. I can’t get enough of In the End. His voice is like watching a sunset.

    Last Thing Cooked: Italian beef with sweet peppers, bread stuffed with cappicola ham, provolone, and homemade olive-artichoke-caper-garlic paste. Oh yes, and the gingerbread alligators.

    Last New Thing Eaten: curried duck

    Last Thing Bought: a pair of size 4 Jjill jeans (don’t hate me, LPW!)

    Last Gift Received: A red shirt from Coldwater Creek, which I wore on New Year’s Eve.

    Last Piece of Clothing Bought or Received as a Gift: See above. Though I really had my eye on some Emily Strange babydoll tops over at Twist and Shout.

    Last Embarrassing Experience: Getting drunk on Anthrax DeLa Clowncar’s Christmas present (Knob Creek Bourbon) and playing hungover mother/inert hostess the next day. Haven’t had a hangover in yeeeeears!

    Last Totally New Experience: heh heh….uuuuhhh…heh heh heh heheheh…not gonna tell ya…

    Last Foreign Country Visited, if any: Ireland

    Last New Bird Seen (feel free to substitute enthusiasm of your own if not a birder): cedar waxwings, which stripped the junipers of their berries. Wonderful to watch, until the rain of gin-scented bird turds fell ‘pon my back porch.

    Last Big Achievement: Not bitch-slapping my sister-in-law (trying to stay positive here) Meeting Neil Gaiman at midnight, and getting a chuckle out of him when I gave him a picture of his face superimposed over the Demonic Tomato he grew in his garden last summer.

    Ok, gotta go. The husband is wearing my earrings and saying he needs more cock. That’s what I get for being a tall gay man trapped in a small woman’s body and married to a closeted metrosexual.


    Oh. Whoops. He wasn’t saying ‘cock’, he was saying caulk. But he did have on my earrings.