Life Among the Never-Winged

Once upon a time I was writing a book called, "Just Another Love Letter", about angels behaving badly. Now I just quietly ask myself each day, "What the hell am I doing?"

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Location: The Rocky Mountain Empire, United States

My friends always knew I was going to hell. My only hope is that God likes good jokes and bad redheads.

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  • Tuesday, September 12, 2006

    Four Years Ago

    Four years ago I was big as a house. No; a duplex. I have photos, but they’re not pretty.

    This one is though:

    They were three days old then, my boyos.

    My ob/gyn walks on water to get to her office. She sets all the stars in the sky every night when she’s not keeping unborn babies and moms intact.

    When I told everyone in the hospital I felt good, that I could keep going another week, when I insisted that I would go another week, she was the one who took my hand and explained to me that my babies would be fine, but the preeclampsia would kill me.

    She told me I could stop fighting now. Because I had won.

    And she was right.

    Jack was born first. He sang – from the minute he was born until they wheeled me into recovery, I listened to him sing out little breaths like a bird. Declan was born five minutes later. When he cried, I told them I could tell their voices apart. My anesthesiologist laughed and said, “Only the mother!” But my ob/gyn jumped in with, “Hey! I can tell them apart too!” After which we both gave him a good ribbing until I turned my head and lost the nothing that was in my stomach.

    I swear, he turned up the morphine on purpose.

    I held Declan first, before I got sick. I couldn’t believe he was real, was mine. My little Frick.

    I didn’t see Jack, my little Frack, until hours later, after the ‘recovery’. I’d thought they were in the NICU. I was sure there was something wrong, there was a reason why the woman in the bed next to mine was allowed to have her baby, and mine were not there. But they were fine, their lungs fully developed thanks to the steroids.

    Someone set Jack down next to me. And as I looked at him, I had the vertigo feeling that I was not looking at my baby but at myself. I was in two places at once, on both sides of a mirror that linked thirty-one years.

    They turn four on the 17th. But I wanted to post this early, while I have the chance. They keep my busy, the little darlings. There isn’t much I accomplish in a timely fashion anymore.

    That’s ok. The last time I was early, I won.

    19 people left me a love letter:

    Blogger Stucco wrote in a love letter...

    Is there a pool yet involving the year or age at which they'll be taller than you?

    4:04 PM, September 12, 2006  
    Blogger meno wrote in a love letter...

    They were so tiny.

    The first picture is great, they look like a little heart shape tucked together like that.

    4:06 PM, September 12, 2006  
    Blogger Bud wrote in a love letter...

    Beautiful story, Beautiful tribute. Mother and boyos beautiful as well.

    4:29 PM, September 12, 2006  
    Blogger Irrelephant wrote in a love letter...

    Stucco, I mentioned it earlier, but they're ALREADY taller than her, so it's sort of a moot point.

    Nancy dear, you're a tremendous writer, you know that? You really ought to write a book or something.

    *hiding behind small handlebars*

    6:47 PM, September 12, 2006  
    Blogger Des_Moines_Girl wrote in a love letter...

    You more than "won" - you hit the jackpot! I can't believe our babies are 4!!!!

    7:46 PM, September 12, 2006  
    Anonymous O wrote in a love letter...

    ND has mentioned something about a kick in the arse to both Stucco & Irrelephant. Problem being that she isn't tall enough to reach.

    BTW, the pool is for age 7.
    O

    10:59 PM, September 12, 2006  
    Anonymous Anonymous wrote in a love letter...

    aaaaaaaw! such a great post!



    Nixxie...on blogger beta and still can't log in to no beta blogs.

    1:47 AM, September 13, 2006  
    Anonymous Anonymous wrote in a love letter...

    or into....just however I wanna word that.

    1:47 AM, September 13, 2006  
    Anonymous Anonymous wrote in a love letter...

    non-beta...

    jeez...seriously!! I need coffee!

    Nixxie...shi woo kaint spel ore do korekt graemer 2dae

    1:49 AM, September 13, 2006  
    Blogger Stucco wrote in a love letter...

    I could provide a step-ladder for Nancy-pants to use in said ass-kicking, but I think the greater challenge would be to identify where I would have an ass. I mean there is this shamefull junction where my legs meet by lower back, but there is no sign of actuall "ass". My shame is the curse of older (and let's face it, typically style-deprived) white men.

    All the junk I could be shakin', if I only had an ass...

    10:27 AM, September 13, 2006  
    Anonymous O wrote in a love letter...

    Maybe you can waggle the handlebars instead, it isn't shaking really, but it might have to do.
    O

    10:53 AM, September 13, 2006  
    Blogger Nancy Dancehall wrote in a love letter...

    Meno: Thanks. O took the photo, and I've always loved it. Thanks for stopping by. :-)

    Bud: Thank you! That's so nice.

    DMG: I can't believe it either! Remember bumping bellies? One of the best parts of the pregnancy. And Big Daddy's BBQ. I mean, if you're gonna have heartburn anyway...

    Nixxie; Beta blog? *sniff* I always thought of myself as an alpha blog. I luv yor creeativ spelin.

    Stucco, Ir and O: Man, you guys are just mean! You'd _better_ hide behind that handlebar. And I'll have to ask Schmoop about shakin' that junk. Heh.

    5:38 PM, September 13, 2006  
    Anonymous O wrote in a love letter...

    In the end, you might have to settle for a knee-biting instead of an ass kicking, You have knees, right?
    O

    11:22 PM, September 13, 2006  
    Blogger Stucco wrote in a love letter...

    In other news: "Danger Will Nancy-pants!"

    9:56 AM, September 14, 2006  
    Blogger Schmoopie wrote in a love letter...

    Time passes so quickly! It seems like just yesterday they were smiling at A. and drooling in their little "exer-saucers." They are such intelligent guys. Stucco and I are all for being in-laws if D. decides to marry A.!

    By the way, people who are born on the 17th of September ROCK!! ;)

    2:32 PM, September 14, 2006  
    Blogger D_Man wrote in a love letter...

    Cute!

    4:53 AM, September 16, 2006  
    Blogger Julie wrote in a love letter...

    So f-ing cute! Look at that, they are so little and sweet that I'm even afraid to swear in reference to them.

    3:39 PM, September 18, 2006  
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