Life Among the Never-Winged

Once upon a time I was writing a book called, "Just Another Love Letter", about angels behaving badly. Now I just quietly ask myself each day, "What the hell am I doing?"

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Location: The Rocky Mountain Empire, United States

My friends always knew I was going to hell. My only hope is that God likes good jokes and bad redheads.

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  • Friday, May 19, 2006

    Oof-da! Scrapin' Bottom Here

    Addendum: Keep scrolling, New Addendums ALL DAY!


    No, I don't itch.


    Real post soon, I promise.


    Your Stress Level is: 81%

    Wow! Not only are you extremely prone to stress, you're a total ball of stress these days.

    And while times are certainly tough right now, being stressed out is not making it easier.

    Your stress is effecting your relationships, career, and most importantly, you health.

    If I'm at 81%, O's around 215%.

    You Are the Swedish Chef

    "Bork! Bork! Bork!"

    You're happy and energetic - with borderline manic tendencies.

    No one really gets you. And frankly, you don't even get you.

    But, you sure can whip up a great chocolate mousse

    The Muppet Personality Test

    That's pretty accurate. My answer to every problem is, "Quick! Cook something!"

    Addendum

    The more I think about it, the whole description is stunningly accurate.
    I think I'll just edit this post all day long. Quantity, not quality.

    Addendum
    So how the hell are you?

    Addendum
    Recipe of the Day: Lemonade Slushy

    Beat six lemons with a knife sharpener, one at a time.
    If you can beat all six at the same time, call me. I need you.
    Demonstrate technique for toddlers and threaten to do it to them if they THROW ONE MORE FUCKING SIPPY CUP AT YOUR HEAD!
    Cut lemons in half. Squeeze juice into a bowl and pick out seeds. Don't squeeze directly into blender, or you will spent inordinate amounts of time trying to fish them out, you dunderhead.
    Pour juice into blender. Add juice of one more lemon, you cheapskate.
    Add ice. Explain to toddler that yes, it does need ice, or it won't be a slushy. Yes, it does. It DOES!
    Grate lemon zest into blender. Microplaners are gifts sent by Santa to help you with this.
    Dump in organic evaporated cane sugar. Drown out voice in head calling you a food Nazi. Try not to think about your gestational diabetes, and that it leads to type 2.
    Blend on puree speed. Examine your blender more closely until you notice the 'crush ice' feature, you dunderhead.
    Add more ice, you cheapskate.
    Blend.
    Pour into little plastic cups for the kiddies. Ignore complaints.
    Pour remainder into a glass tumbler. Garnish with fresh mint sprig.
    Optional: Add generous amount of rum, vodka or gin. Spend the rest of the day amusing yourself by saying, "Now hand Mommy her *snicker* lemonade!"
    Laugh uproariously when 'I Don't Care Anymore' comes on the radio.


    Disclaimer: No toddlers were hurt, nor mothers sloshed in the making of this post.

    9 people left me a love letter:

    Blogger Nixxie wrote in a love letter...

    hahahahahah! the bork bork!!! hahahahahahaha!!!

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=QCJLCc8DRrk

    11:25 AM, May 19, 2006  
    Blogger Nancy Dancehall wrote in a love letter...

    I thought YOU in particular would find that funny, Nixxie!

    11:28 AM, May 19, 2006  
    Anonymous Anonymous wrote in a love letter...

    Nope, I'm at 69%.
    Love,
    O

    4:23 PM, May 19, 2006  
    Blogger Nancy Dancehall wrote in a love letter...

    Heh heh heh heh...I wanna be at 69%...

    6:19 PM, May 19, 2006  
    Blogger Des_Moines_Girl wrote in a love letter...

    SNORT!

    We call it "Mommy Juice."

    Side Note: I can't figure out how to get my Yahoo Avatar HTML code to put on my blog. Sombody help me?!?!?!?

    7:57 PM, May 19, 2006  
    Anonymous Anonymous wrote in a love letter...

    I can help with that...just roll over here.
    O

    9:51 PM, May 19, 2006  
    Blogger Nixxie wrote in a love letter...

    hehehe...dunkerhead....

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    Sending recipe to my best friend.

    8:53 AM, May 20, 2006  
    Blogger D_Man wrote in a love letter...

    Fozzie Bear.

    I was hoping for Animal...

    3:49 AM, May 21, 2006  
    Blogger jeje wrote in a love letter...

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    9:21 PM, March 22, 2017  

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