Life Among the Never-Winged

Once upon a time I was writing a book called, "Just Another Love Letter", about angels behaving badly. Now I just quietly ask myself each day, "What the hell am I doing?"

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Location: The Rocky Mountain Empire, United States

My friends always knew I was going to hell. My only hope is that God likes good jokes and bad redheads.

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  • Wednesday, April 12, 2006

    I Could Post Something

    The boyos are playing leapfrog with the Lion King.
    I’ve got a minute
    And a lot on my mind.
    It’s stanzas today, I guess.

    So. Life after the bookstore.
    O has an idea.
    He’s good with people, good with sales.
    Why not put the two together?
    There’s a company that designs sales for retail businesses.
    They pay independent contractors to run the sales from the ground.
    Eight weeks at a stretch.
    The catch?
    That’s eight weeks on the road, folks.
    Forty weeks total that O would be gone.
    He’s thinking he’ll do this for two years.

    Pro: He'd be doing something he's good at.
    Biggest Pro: He'd be doing something he likes.
    Pro: He'd be doing something on his own.
    Pro: He'd be making twice what we make now. Or more.
    Pro: It would give him a chance to look at real estate markets around the country for investment purposes, while making money.
    Pro: He wouldn’t have to go back to school to train for anything.

    Con: He'll be missing out on the boyos.
    Biggest Con: The boyos will miss their daddy.
    Con: I’ll miss him.
    Con: I'll be a single mom with strained and sometimes hostile relations with his family here in town.
    Con: Unless I get the boyos into school, I'll have them non-stop 24/7 for 8 weeks at a time. Not much writing time there. Not much sanity time there.

    Possibilities: We can go on the road with him in the summer.
    Possibilities: I can rent an apartment in my old home town to be near my family, if he has a sale in the area.
    Possibilities: I can rent an apartment in several different cities to be near friends.

    Possibility Pro: I love to travel.
    Possibility Con: Do I want the boyos to grow up like gypsies?

    Is this crazy? Is this brilliant? Anybody out there have a similar arrangement? I could really use some advice and new perspectives right now. Thanks!

    15 people left me a love letter:

    Blogger amusing wrote in a love letter...

    See THE YEAR I DIDN"T GO TO SCHOOL by Giselle Potter. Picture book to get your fantasies going.

    And go with your gut.

    6:28 PM, April 12, 2006  
    Blogger Esereth wrote in a love letter...

    Every time I think of advice, I end up stopping and saying, "no, no that wouldn't work." This one is so hard.

    How do you know it would only be for two years?

    How old are your kids? Too little to notice the upsets in their lives, or old enough to benefit from stability?

    Aren't there any other jobs out there?

    I couldn't do it, unless the wolves were at the door. We're a family, we shouldn't be (basically) torn apart for two years.

    Do you think you could thrive?

    9:27 PM, April 12, 2006  
    Blogger Nixxie wrote in a love letter...

    I get my codes from different places but this is the code I use to plug them in (naturally without the spaces.

    < embed name='RAOCXplayer' src='' type='application/x-mplayer2'
    width='200' height='200' autostart='false' ShowControls='1' ShowStatusBar='0' loop='false'
    EnableContextMenu='0' DisplaySize='0' pluginspage='' > < / embed >

    then I fiddle with the height and width for my side bar and then autostart (true if you want it to just start up when the page is loaded). Loop is for if you want it to continue playing over and over and over...

    if you need any help just yell... madwomn at gmail dot com

    1:57 AM, April 13, 2006  
    Blogger MyUtopia wrote in a love letter...

    lovely put.

    8:07 AM, April 13, 2006  
    Blogger Bud wrote in a love letter...

    Never heard of anything like that. But a career move is often full of sacrifice. I'd never advise you to go one way or the other on this.

    2:33 PM, April 13, 2006  
    Anonymous clowncar wrote in a love letter...

    While I'm not sure "growing up like gypsies" is a con, it sounds pretty grueling. Perhaps you could get a second home in Pueblo to wait out the long 8 weeks alone with the boyos. If only you knew someone in Pueblo with two little girls to keep your little boys company....

    Everybody down here is sick again - it's like being visited by biblical plagues!

    4:42 PM, April 13, 2006  
    Blogger Zijin wrote in a love letter...

    you win some you lose some.
    you'll have a really tough time by yourself with the children.
    however if he doesnt go, he'll be wondering for the rest of his remaining life .. 'what if ...?'
    decisions, decisions *sigh*

    9:45 AM, April 14, 2006  
    Blogger Nancy Dancehall wrote in a love letter...

    Amusing: Hello and welcome! Thanks for the suggestion. I'll check out the book.

    Esereth: Thanks; you've brought up some good points.
    A) 2 years because O says so.
    B) The boyos are three and a half years old.
    C)Not any for which he is qualified. He doesn't have that magic piece of paper they give you after four years of study.
    D)Could I thrive? I don't know. In some ways it would strengthen my independence. In others, I think I'd feel trapped.

    pika: Now to choose a video (rubs hands together)

    MU: I've been thinking about it for about a week, and it boiled down to these points.

    Bud: How extensive is your touring? Does it affect your relationships?

    Mr. Clowncar: Jeez, stalk much? ;-) Believe me, I'm looking at Pueblo. Well, I was before all the plagues and flies and death and stuff.

    9:48 AM, April 14, 2006  
    Blogger Julie wrote in a love letter...

    Wow...big things are happening in your world!

    When I was in college, my dad worked in CA and came home on weekends (home to MI). It didn't hurt me because I was already gone...but I know my mom worried about my brother (who was probably 8) having a good male role model. I also think it was hard on her to take care of everyone on her own (I'm the oldest of she had 2 teenage girls, an 8 year old and a 4 year old)

    One of my favorite memories is celebrating christmas at his apartment. My parents brought all of our presents there (each time my dad would leave MI and go back to CA, for months before the 25th, he would bring a few things to put under the tree). We got a tree and lights...but didn't have all of our ornaments so my dad got colored construction paper and we made all of our ornaments. It was magical!

    9:59 AM, April 14, 2006  
    Blogger Nancy Dancehall wrote in a love letter...

    Zijin: How'd you sneak in there! Yes, it will be tough with the boyos. I think he's pretty much made up his mind about doing this.

    Julie: Thanks for the example. That's a really good memory, and a good way for your parents to handle things. How long did your dad work in CA? How did the four-year-old fare?

    10:11 AM, April 14, 2006  
    Blogger LazyLazyMe wrote in a love letter...

    My father started to work outside of our home town for 3,4 or 5 days a week when I was eight until I left home.

    I never saw him, never knew him, don't have any great feelings of love for him.

    He was happier away from the home because work was where he was happiest. It was about him and the security was knowing the wife was at home looking after the kids.

    I think unless you go with him it's going to be two separate lives.

    But each relationship is different, a whole load of negative anecdotes doesn't prove or disprove anything.

    I couldn't spend 40 weeks away from my wife. For anything.

    3:32 PM, April 14, 2006  
    Blogger Nancy Dancehall wrote in a love letter...

    Hi Lazy,
    Thanks for your perspective. I know what you mean about two lives. I think O and I would be fine, because our courtship lasted three years and two and a half of those years were spent 700 miles apart. We understand how to make a long-distance relationship work.

    The boyos on the other hand...
    What you say about your relationship with your father does concern me. I would ask you how your relationship was before he left, but I don't want to pry. I know you value your privacy.
    I love the way you talk about your wife.

    7:47 PM, April 14, 2006  
    Blogger Julie wrote in a love letter...

    I can't really remember how long he was there...over a year. It's hard because I was gone...the four year old is now a lovely 16 year old. She is such a great gal. In fact we are pen pals (in addition to talking on the phone and via email) we take turns writing each other 10 questions that we each answer so we can get to know each other better.

    11:24 PM, April 14, 2006  
    Blogger LazyLazyMe wrote in a love letter...


    I think it came down to perception for me. I always felt my father chose work over his family. I think you start out saying it's for the family but really it's for you.

    But your comment about my wife is the greatest indicator. I love and trust her as you love and trust him. If he wants it can you say no?

    The kids are probably young enough for it not to matter. But if 2 years becomes 5 then it may be a problem.

    But what do I know...:)

    6:02 PM, April 15, 2006  
    Blogger Nancy Dancehall wrote in a love letter...

    Julie: May I have your family? Would your parents like to adopt another daughter? Instant grandkids! You guys all sound so close. Right now...oh never mind, I don't want to get into yucky family-in-law problems right now. Anyway, sounds like you guys came through just fine.

    Lazy: You, sir, know a lot. :-) By nature, O is a homebody. The going-out-on-the-road idea took me by surprise. He is driven by the need to feel financially secure, rather than a desire to work all the time. Can I say no? I could, but I don't want to until we at least have tried it out. I don't want to squelch any of his dreams or ambitions because I love him, and that's not what you do to someone you love. That said, if this does not work, if the boyos are miserable first, and I'm miserable second, then I would talk to him about either changing things to make it work, or convincing him to try something else entirely. He loves me enough to listen and work with me.
    Thank you so much. You've been an incredible help.

    10:06 PM, April 16, 2006  

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