Life Among the Never-Winged

Once upon a time I was writing a book called, "Just Another Love Letter", about angels behaving badly. Now I just quietly ask myself each day, "What the hell am I doing?"

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Location: The Rocky Mountain Empire, United States

My friends always knew I was going to hell. My only hope is that God likes good jokes and bad redheads.

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  • Saturday, December 31, 2005

    Christmas in Wartime

    Ok, because you asked for it, a mini update, here at the last day of the year.

    Here’s my favorite Christmas Present:

    The title is “She Falls”. It is one of the last two of its kind.
    You know the artist.
    O gave it to me of course.
    I got him a combo bee veil-jacket. All he needs now is a smoker.
    Oh, yeah, and the bees themselves.

    So, the dirt. That’s what you really want.


    Christmas didn’t happen. Not with O’s family.
    The sister-in-law didn’t want all the cousins to exchange presents together, because Middle Child would get too excited. So, she dropped our Boyos’ presents at the bookstore. (Actually, had her mom bring them in.)
    Of course, nobody had told us the plan.
    So, we wrapped presents on Christmas Eve, and O took them to his sister’s house.
    His plan, try to make nice. Wish her a Merry Christmas. See if we could come over early the next day, before my parents’ flight came in. Maybe, maybe, begin to mend fences, without kissing ass.
    Remember, my parents’ arrival at dinnertime was proclaimed


    by the sister.

    O’s family has never done Christmas Dinner. It’s always been a daytime celebration.
    All that changed when sister-in-law found out my parents’ plans.
    Then it was Christmas Dinner or Nothing.


    So, O went over. Got met at the door by the sister. He wished her a Merry Christmas.
    She yelled at him.
    She followed him back to the car.
    He slammed the door shut, which embarrassed him. He hates losing his temper.
    Dropped presents off at his parents’ house. Got a ration of shit. Invited his parents over on Christmas day. Came home.
    Next day. The boyos were adorable, looking at their gifts from Santa before opening them. We played with tinker toys and power tools all morning.

    O’s parents called. I invited them over, again.
    “Oh. Well, I don’t know. I have to cook for J. for tonight.”
    “Well. Ok. But if you change your mind…”
    O got another ration of shit, holiday-wrapped. Seems his sister met him at the door, and politely asked him in to talk. He stormed away without an explanation.
    Funny. Perceptions.
    One universe, many perspectives.
    Well, I’m sticking to O’s view. Call it previous first-hand experience.
    So, we spent Christmas together as a family of four. We waited most of the day to see if O’s folks would come over. Then the boyos wanted to go to the park, so we did.
    Of course, that’s when his folks called.
    Dad: “O. Give a call.” Click
    We called back. They’d already left.
    They said the next day that they’d wanted to come over, on their way to J.’s Ok.
    So, my parent’s got in, and we had a nice Christmas night, opening more presents. They left yesterday. It was a good visit.
    They babysat the boyos one night, while we went to a baby shower.
    (Yet another friend with fertility problems. That makes 5, including myself.)
    My mom invited O’s mom over. She got an earful about how we just don’t understand how hard it is to be J.
    Oh. Ok.
    Twins are nothing.
    The store going broke is nothing.
    My family 1000 miles away is nothing.
    Just like the infertility treatments were nothing.
    The break-ins were nothing.
    Getting fired for defending a 19-year-old girl from a 60-year-old pervert was nothing.

    Ok. Exhales the petty bitterness. Inhale love and truth and beauty.
    Ok. I’m done with the update. The boyos are finished with lunch, and want to play.
    I think we’ll head out to the back yard. The weather is beautiful.
    O’s gonna kill me for letting Colorado’s Big Weather Secret out.
    Anyway, have a safe, fun, happy New Year.
    I promise a bitter-free posting next time.

    Yarg. This is why I don’t keep a journal.

    Addendum: I'm not saying O and I are as blameless as new-born babes, and I'm not saying anyone has it easier (or harder) than anyone else. I'm just spouting here, because this is currently my only outlet. O gets embarrassed when he loses his temper, I feel the same when I whine. I'm blushing.

    64 people left me a love letter:

    Blogger Des_Moines_Girl wrote in a love letter...

    Emotions are nothing to be ashamed of. You feel them. They are yours - one of the few things you can truly call your own (emotions and mistakes). But it's okay to feel them, it's okay to express them. You can learn to control them, choose a time and place to share them - something that J has obviously not mastered - but it's never something you should be ashamed of. Pour them out into a bowl. Turn them over in your hand. Put them away for awhile but never bury or forget them because they will come back sharper and more bitter. Hang in there. This too will pass. As long as J is content to hang herself, give her all the rope she wants. Take care!

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    I must admit that I kept checking into your blog to hear act 2 of the saga, but finally gave up and just asked O. I agree with d_m_g (for perhaps the first time, based on her bloggings...) that it is j's drama, not yours. Give her rope. Sounds like when you disconnected from the strum-und-drung of her rage machine you had a nice time with your tinker-toy-a-thon. We had some similar histronics down here, and were happiest just circling the wagons and playing with play-do.

    Glad the boyos were so delightful. Despite all the rampant dysfunction and commercialism and cultural warfare of the season, I'm still a big fan of Christmas. The whole family hearth archtype is an important one.

    Have a happy 06.

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    Popeye - Watch where you step while you're visiting here. Occasional puddles of bile in aisle four. I'll put up signs.

    Gode love you all!

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